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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

Experience
Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving.

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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > re-occuring dreams of my ex

General Dating Questions - re-occuring dreams of my ex

Expert: Azure - 10/26/2009

Question
Hi Azure,

First of all I'd like to thank you for reading this. I chose you for your knowledge on psychology.

Well, lets start with my background first. My girlfriend and I are teenagers, still in high school. I may not know a lot about life, but believe me when I say I truly love her. We have been dating for 8+ months, and have arguments once or twice each month that usually gets resolved with no problems.

Recently she has confessed to me that she has re-occurring dreams of me and ex-girlfriend together. She told me that those dreams really hurt her. She said that every time she has that dream she questions herself, wondering if she does really love me back.

I really don't understand, she told me that if she keeps getting those dreams she would have no choice but to give up on me. She said that since she keeps dreaming about it, she believes that it will may come true. No matter what I say or do to re-assure her that she's my only one, she still thinks this.

I have never loved anyone as much as her. Please help.

My questions are:
1) Why is she having those dreams over and over again?
2) How do we stop it?
3) How do I prove it to her that I really do love her and shes the only one for me?

Answer
1. no one knows why we dream as we do..2. obviously, you can't stop it--but you can inform her that this dream just exemplifies her insecurities, but that it has nothing to do with reality; 3. you just be yourself--there's no need to "prove" anything except thru your natural words/actions that you care; if she's willing to walk away over a dream, that would be an unhealthy mistake, and indicate a level of insecurity that might call for counseling...

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