Expert: Nafeesah - 10/5/2009

Question
Met this girl a couple months back, and instantly clicked. Anytime we were in the same room we spent every minute together. Got plenty of the classic cues, eye contact, touching, massaging, she would often finish with 'why am I telling you this!?' . Basically, an awkward silent moment away from hooking up…. Nothing happened and for good reason, she has a serious boyfriend (something I was always aware of but never a topic of conversation). The BF just moved halfway across the country to start graduate school that will keep him there for 4 years.  I would always talk to her every once in a while in between seeing her, but the day he left, that intensified and I was talking to her through email and texts throughout the day, everyday. Literally the night he left got a late night drunk text to meet up. This daily talking lasted a little over a week. The next time I saw her, it went from running an errand, which turned into dinner, which turned into drinks.  I decided I had to tell her how I felt and did. As I expected, it got a little awkward, didn’t talk to her for a little over a week. Then I reached out, and we talked a little more sporadically and with noticeable distance. Saw her about a week and a half after we started talking again, was awkward at first, but when she saw I was acting normal, she started to also.  We aren’t talking daily, but we are talking.  Its clearly not in the same way we were before, and most of the effort has to come from me.  I have also become friendly with her friends, and from what it seems, she hasn't told any of them, and if she did, they seem to be either ok with it or just ignoring it. My first thought is, if she does feel something, she would never admit it, thinking it was wrong to even think with the BF in the picture. Or she doesn't know what she is thinking. Or she doesn't feel the same and is just being polite. Its becoming really hard to read her, considering we don't see each other much, we don't really have any mutual friends, and don't have the 'what are you up to this weekend' type relationship. I am kind of looking for some insight as to where she is coming from,  and what I should do in this situation. I totally understand at this point she is staying faithful to her BF, and actually admire that about her.  I am not stopping from dating people, but I do want to ensure I stay in the picture.

Answer
Why would you want to date someone who had a serious boyfriend? If you're not talking on a regular basis you're just a friend and that's all. She's only flirting with you because it's not going any further. I don't why people do this to themselves by getting involved with people who are not available for them. Find a girl who's not attached with a boyfriend or serious partner and look at dating them. If you're saying you don't want to stop dating people, but want to remain in the picture I hate to tell you this, but this girl is going to choose the boyfriend over you hands down since she's been with him for so long and in a way though you are stopping yourself from dating because you're hoping that what you have with this girl turns into something more and it's not if it did it would have happened a long time ago it's clear that this will not go beyond the friendship/acquaintance stage. I would move on and find someone who's got time to spend with you and who's looking to date.