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About Murphy Smith
Expertise
I can answer any general relationship / dating questions.

Experience
I used to work as a counselor in a hospital part time for 15 years (16-32 hours a week) and my job was listening to patients who had relationship problems and giving them advice to help them cope with depression, suicidal behavior and thoughts, loss of a relationship or marriage, sexual issues and diseases, unwanted pregnancy, infidelity, abusive relationships, interracial relationships, prostitution, rape, drug addiction, alcohol addiction and abuse etc. I am very inquisitive and ask alot questions on various subjects, which has made me quite knowledgeable in general. I also have read many books on relationships and dating and if I do not know the answer to a question I will research it until I find the correct answer opposed to just pretending that I know about something that I do not. I have also had alot of friends, co-workers and even strangers tell me their problems and expect a sincere and candid answer because I am told that I appear to be a person that can be trusted and I am.

Education/Credentials
High school with some college. I have worked for the government for 10 yrs and as part of my job duties I am expected and required to counsel and advice hundreds of employees.

Past/Present Clients
I have counseled and advised hundreds of people in the past 25 years on numerous subjects.

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > Discussing a Disability

General Dating Questions - Discussing a Disability

Expert: Murphy Smith - 11/1/2009

Question
Hi! I'm hoping you can help me with this. I've had petit mal epilepsy since I was thirteen, and now that I'm twenty I still haven't quite figured out how to cope with its effects on my social life. My main problem is when and how to tell potential dates/partners about my disability. I want to explain that it's a big part of my life without sounding as though I'm looking for someone to babysit me forever, and I'm sure I need to tell them before they actually observe a seizure and end up panicked, but "I have epilepsy" isn't the best conversation starter. I haven't yet found anyone who didn't lose interest once I told them about the epilepsy, and I'm wondering if there's an approach that will help.

Answer
Jill:

I have many friends who have epilepsy so I know how you feel and what you are going through. I would not tell people when you first meet them that you have epilepsy but get to know them a little first however, this still may not work with some people. Another thing that I would do and this is just my personal feeling is to try and meet or get involved with people who have a healthcare background or are employed in the healthcare field because most if not all of them will be aware of what epilepsy is and the facts about it and that you are no one to fear or a host of other negative and false assumptions about the disease or yourself because you have it. I would also try and talk to or have relationships with people who are intelligent, have alot of common sense and you can see by how they act that they are compassionate and understanding people because unfortunately many people in society are cruel and are looking for perfection in most people except for themselves because they fail to realize that they have flaws etc. as do us all. These type of people of which there are many will fail to realize the beautiful person that you are both physically and mentally because they are consumed with their prejudice views towards anyone that they falsely think has any problems or is different in any way than others or what they think constitutes a perfect person that they can deal with or would feel comfortable explaining to their friends because many people are not only cruel themselves they are obsessed with what others think regardless of the actual person they are being unfair to.

Also go on the internet or check out support groups at hospitals etc for people with epilepsy because you will meet others who have the same thing as you and they to would love to meet and get to know you and they will understand what you are dealing with and that you are nice because many of them will be nice also and will be looking for what you are looking for namely companionship and a possible relationship. Also some of the people in the groups will have male friends and relatives that they could introduce to you who will also know all about epilepsy because their contact with the person in the epilepsy group and the fact that they are friends or relatives of that person. Good luck.

Murphy

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