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About Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Expertise
I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com

Experience
I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

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General Dating Questions - bf

Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/4/2009

Question
Hi,

Been with my BF for 6yrs. We’ve drifted apart and got back together thousands of time. We are two different ppl, something I wonder what we are doing together even though it’s said, opposites attract. Anyway, he’s 29 and a CPA. Im 24 and just finished my BA and not sure what I want to do with my life. I am a purchasing agent, which is ok for now, but not sure if it will cut it in a couple years. Sometimes I feel like if I don’t do more, he will probably just get up and go 1) because he told me professionals marry professionals and 2) because we been together 6yrs already and there are no talk of marriage or kids- nothing. I feel like money is everything for him, where for me its about love and happiness and making things work.
I get the impression that our relationship is contingent on whether I go into my career job or not.

We are trying to work on the relationship now because he jus finished cpa and I just finished school, so now would be the most opportune time to do so..
My problem is: I want to be married in 3yrs, travel and just enjoy life then have a kid at 28/29.
I don’t know what this guy has in mind and I don’t want to waist another yr just to figure out he’s not the one.
What to do, what to do?

Thank you.

Answer
Hello Tameka!

Question: What to do???

Answer: TALK TO HIM ALREADY!!!

Tameka, you don't know what's on his mind because you don't ask him. It's that simple. You apparently believe that after 6 years you should know everything he's thinking and are afraid that if you admit you don't that you might not be as close as you want to be.

You absolutely need to ask him what he wants and where he sees himself in 3, 5 and 10 years. It's not that you'll necessarily be there, but you're not going to be anywhere if you don't ask.

Also, I have some concern here that you're on the "baby-making plan". That is, you know you want to be married in 3 years, preggers slightly after that, traveling the world after that, etc.

You haven't said anything about the quality of your relationship (through which) you're going to probably have those things, right? In other words, if all you're interested in is being married in 3 years, why wait? You seem like a great girl - I'll bet if you asked enough guys this very weekend you could find someone that would marry you and knock you up. Then, you wouldn't have to wait 3 or 4 years - you could get on to it right now and start being happy right now.

Oh, wait. What's that I hear? You want this in the context of your RELATIONSHIP?

Ok then, that's really the point isn't it? Marriage isn't the relationship itself, it's a FORMAT for a relationship. What if you and he are completely perfect for each other (and yes, opposites often DO attract) but marriage isn't the right format? Does that really matter?

I'll say this: if you have to reproduce in order to be happy, then I'd say "yes" it does matter. Kids deserve to have this stable, loving home to grow up in. However, if that's not an absolute for you, focus on what IS important - building the perfect relationship between you two regardless of what format it takes.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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Remington Publications
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http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
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