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About Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Expertise
I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com

Experience
I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > chance

General Dating Questions - chance

Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/6/2009

Question
QUESTION: So I like this guy Jason at school and I was talking to a group of men at lunch when he walked by. I said "wow Jason is hot, I want to fuck him"

One of the guys looked at me and said "Jason would fuck you HARD"

Guy's opinion - was that just a random comment, or does that mean that Jason has been talking to people about wanting to sleep with me? or just generic remark, he is a physically strong, huge guy with muscles.

thanks,
tess

ANSWER: Hello Tess!

It's a generic remark made by guys that watch too much porn. Since they see all this hard fucking going on, they think that must be what you want. I'd also venture to guess these guys have never actually been with a girl themselves.

Now, more to the point: why in the hell aren't you going after Jason if you think he's hot and you want to bang him???

Stop talking and start banging!!!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: What are the good and bad effects that porn has on men?

What are the good and bad effects that porn has on women?

ANSWER: Hello again Tess!

These are actually really great questions! Let me talk about the bad aspects first.

Many guys use porn as their only sex education. In fact, porn is designed specifically to do one thing: give people masturbatory material. It's really that simple. Thus, it's "crafted" (if you can use that word in this context) to achieve that goal as efficiently as possible. Most porn today follows the exact same pattern reproduced in different ways with different scenarios and is otherwise devoid of anything "real" or "humanistic". It's just formulaic and designed to help the masturbator pop as quickly as possible.

If any guy or girl thinks this is about education; that is, learning how to be good in bed, they simply don't have any other experience to draw from and porn becomes a quick, easy release. That's why some guys think all women want to get fucked "hard" or have cum sprayed in their faces, or always bang the pizza delivery guy, etc.

Porn is also (for the most part) missing any emotionality and communication - two things that sex in the real world is all about!

Even worse, some people (men AND women) use porn in lieu of actually finding a partner to have (and especially, discover) sex with. I'm sure I don't have to tell you, women are far more complicated sexually than men are. How often do you actually see a woman climax in porn? Answer: almost never. In fact, many people have NEVER seen a real female climax in porn - it's that rare!

On the flip side, porn IS valuable and beneficial in a number of ways. First of all, it's fun to watch other people fuck! Second, in the context of an otherwise healthy relationship, women need to understand that men are not naturally monogamous. Watching porn helps guys to satisfy their built-in need to explore other women while being faithful to their partners.

Another positive aspect of porn is that it takes sex out from behind the curtain and makes it what it really is - a normal, natural, fun thing between two consenting adults. Still another is that it does give some perspective into regular, healthy sex - but for someone without other experience, it's hard to know what parts those are.

Tess, there are many other secondary benefits, but I think you get the point.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok I'm a straight gal and I love men, and in real life I'm always checking hot guys out.

But when I watch porn with naked girls in it, I get an orgasm in 5-10 seconds. I get soooo turned on and hot and horny. I dont even need to masturbate, i just climax after a few seconds of it. Why is this only happening to me with naked women? why not men? In porn the guys don't turn me on (unless the guy is really hot) but in real life i dont check out women.

also the guys in porn are fat and ugly...sorry but true...most of the women look good but some are busted too...

Answer
Hey Tess!

Sexuality is a very complicated subject. I can't tell you specifically why you have this reaction - there are probably 1001 different possible reasons!

What I can tell you is that you enjoy it. You don't have to define it or think that it makes you gay - it doesn't. It's simply a response to stimulus just as smelling fresh, hot cinnamon rolls makes you salivate.

Don't stress over it, just continue to enjoy lesbian porn! I know a lot of women that wish they had the range you do! It's a beautiful thing.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

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