Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/6/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello! Here is what happened. Last Saturday, I got hooked with this guy on a party. He is a long time friend with my cousins and brother. At the party we talked and flirted, and at the end we went together and, you guessed it, we had sex...to be honest, it wasnīt as great as I imagined, but it was good. He asked my cell and said he would call.
On Monday, I text him (I mean, he is no stranger!!) saying it was a very nice night, and if he would think we should get to know each other better.
I haven't heard from him anymore...
Sorry for the long story...but I want your opinion:
1. do you think he will call sometime?
2. Was it wrong to text him afterwards?
3. What should I do next time I ran into him at another party?

Thanks!!!

ANSWER: Hello Rosie!

1. Yes, I think he'll call. It's Thursday and he should have called you by now.
2. No, it wasn't wrong to contact him, although texting is always a bad idea early on in any relationship!
3. Be happy to see him! If he hasn't/doesn't call you again, it's he that will feel awkward and guilty!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok...thanks for your reply...As of today Thursday, he hasnīt call. I donīt think he will...should I do the call? How long should I wait? I was thinking if this weekend goes by and I don't hear from him, I should forget it.

What do you mean texting is a bad idea??? Should I had called instead? Or do nothing?

Rosie

Answer
Hello again Rosie!

I'm sorry you haven't heard from him yet. Today being Friday puts this at 6 days since you've seen him. I suggest one more go at it. Give him a call and have something in mind to do on Sunday. Don't bring it up at first however. Say hello (hopefully he'll answer) and make some small talk. Let him commit to something if he wants to. If he doesn't, suggest that you and he go do this fun thing on Sunday and try to set the date. If he turns you down, stop contacting him and move on.

On the flip side, if he doesn't answer the phone just leave one last message suggesting the Sunday event and asking him to call you back. At that point, the ball is entirely in his court and if you don't hear back from him by tomorrow, it's time to move on.

I know this is a lot of you doing his job for him, but consider that many guys simply don't know what to do here or how to move things forward. More important, you're calling his and to get things out on the table. You'll know after this action where you stand and what you're next step will be.

With regards to texting, here's the reality: texting is a relationship killer. He can claim that his phone was off and he never received it, or that it didn't make any sense or he can even take it wong and blame you for hounding him or anything else. Relationships are built on the emotional and personal aspects of interaction. Texting is anything but emotional or personal!

Don't use texting to build relationships - it's far too safe, far too weak and far too easy to manipulate.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"