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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

Experience
Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving.

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General Dating Questions - I can't decide...

Expert: Azure - 11/7/2009

Question
Hello. :)

I've been dating the same guy for three months. We met at a party and it was like love at first sight. We started going steady a week after meeting and now we've even started talking about getting married and starting a family. I'm nineteen and he, Jack, is almost twenty-five. My family really likes Jack and wants me to stay with him because they've seen how happy he makes me. He's very charming and sweet when he's around just me or my family, but he becomes a completely different person in public. Around my friends, he becomes very rude and annoying. I've talked to him about it, but he just shrugs it off or makes it look like it's my friend's fault that he's acting like that. Most of my friends hate him and have wanted me to break up with him since week one.

Lately, one of my other friends, Sam, has started making moves on me. And, of course, all of my friends want me to leave Jack for Sam. On the outside, Sam seems like he'd be a better choice for me since we're into the same things, like writing or photography, but he's also one of my managers. Even if we did go out and then broke up, I would have to deal with us working together still.

My family is angry with me for the fact that I'm even considering leaving Jack. I know that I love Jack, but I'm not happy around him when we're in public. With Sam, I'm happy alone or with my friends when I'm with him, and I like him a lot.

I know this is the third month of Jack and I's relationship, which means that it's one of the hardest months, but the ways he treats me and my friends in public has been something that has bothered me since the beginning. I've tried to break up with him before, but then everything we had planned together comes into my mind and it makes it harder for me.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is that do you think I should stay with my boyfriend, or that I should break up with him to be with Sam? Or should I just not date at all? :) thank you so much for even reading this.

Goodbye! And thank you again!

Answer
i think at 19, and after seeing someone only 3 months, talk of marriage is foolish, and your family is wrong to suggest you stay with ANYONE at such a young age, and with so little dating/life experience; my advice is to not get heavily involved with ANYONE for at least another couple of years--so, get rid of the first jerk, do stuff with sam only as friends (because you don't wanna date those you work with), meet/date others, play the field, stay independent--there's PLENTY of time for heavy involvement, and not much time to enjoy your freedom....

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