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About Azure
Expertise
expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Experience
Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.
BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.
Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving.
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see above..
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Dating > General Dating Questions > What now?
Expert: Azure - 11/7/2009
Question
This is a rather involved question. Sorry about that.
Im 27 years old and the girl I am referring to is 26. We were early high school sweethearts in a 2 year, long-distance relationship that ended very badly. I have known her since we were 4 years old.
Recently, she got out of a long term (4+ years) relationship on mutual terms and she has begun showing an interest in me (or at least that's the assumption I have).
For the past 2 weeks I have been over to her house every other night or more after work and we cook dinner and hang out. I have been helping her get her new house set up and looking like a home. By the end of the night she and I end up on the couch together watching TV and playing with her dog. She is a very conservative woman and knows that I have been attracted to her for years now since the relationship ended so long ago.
She has invited me to stay in her guest room this weekend to save on gas from driving across town every day. Next weekend, I got tickets to the theater to watch a show we have both wanted to see. We are going to dinner before hand and will probably end up at her place afterwords.
The physical part of the relationship has only been hugging and the occasional flirty brushing up against each other while around the house.
Its been 4 years since I have been in a relationship and I feel retarded around her when it comes to making the next move. What should I do to show her that I would like to "define" what this relationship is and where it is going? I thought to talk to her about it face to face but I am afraid of scaring her off and losing her again.
Answer
there's only 2 choices, making a more defined physical move like kissing/making out, or discussing your feelings with her; my guess is if you're gonna spend this much time together as what appears to be a couple dating, the idea of sharing physical affection shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone...
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