AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
Question QUESTION: Dear DOCTOR,I met a man who was really only looking for friendship because he told me he was in"transition" he was in a 5year relationship and seems he was madly in love. Well our "friendship" didn't last to long before it turned in to more. I have been there for him, I have held him while he has sobbed, I have listened to all the stories and memories of her good and bad. I have helped him with his business and his kids. He tells me how wonderful and special I am and doesn't understand how I have stayed around. He has told me I am so different then anyone he has ever met, he is able to talk to me about myself and I don't get mad and yell and scream. He even told me I was 1 in a million maybe to million. He is wonderful to me, he gives me the affection I have always dreamed about. Our relationship I feel has been good. He came to me the other day and said he decided to end it because it has been 4 or 5 months since we have been dating and he expects he should love me by now. I was devastated!!! Well after 2 days he was telling me he missed me but still didn't love me. He says he does want to fall in love with me but don't know if he ever will. We decided to give it another chance. My Dad has told me its not what they say its what they do. All he does is wonderful. So at this point I don't know what to do. How could he not fall in love if he thinks i am so wonderful?? I know that I do love him. Whats his issue??
ANSWER: Hello Sue!
Your dad is right: actions, NOT words! This is a mistake so many people make.
However, one key point here. It's obvious that this guy isn't over his previous relationship yet. He's still hurting and trying to compare you (and your relationship) with the past. Until that happens, he's never going to have a heart open enough to let you in. All the sweet things you can possibly do for him won't change that.
I suggest that you recommend he see a counselor and get some help getting past all of this. He needs to heal and until that happens - and he stops comparing with you and he have to what he lost - he's never going to move forward with you.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
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QUESTION: Do you think he WILL be able to love me eventually? He does tell me he wants to love me. And how do I keep him from giving up to soon in order to find out what I believe is really there. Thank you, Rebound!!!!
Answer Hello again Sue!
Everyone has the capacity to love someone else. As to whether he will do this, I can't possibly say. What I can say is that the possibility doesn't exist now as he's still trying to reconcile the last relationship, it's loss, etc.
You also have to understand that by him getting past this there's also the chance that he'll feel he has to leave all of the past in the past and that may even include you.
I simply don't have a crystal ball to predict the future, but I can say with confidence that this is why he's not moving forward with you right now. If you want that chance, it's a matter of him purging what went on before.
By the way: I don't believe in "rebound relationships". Everyone enters into each relationship at the time and at the place that they are for whatever reason. That's actually good news for you as you can be assured that he's not doing this with you simply because he needed someone else. It was because he wanted you, regardless of the past.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
