AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
I have a dilemma. I am currently dating someone who is an ex-addict. He had been addicted to prescription drugs. We have been together for about 5 months now and at large, we have had no problems and things are going well.
My boyfriend has always been very open and honest to me about his past. He is currently on methadone, a drug to help ween him off his addiction. He has been on it and clean for the past 8 months. In case you aren't familiar with methadone, it relives the user of withdrawal symptoms but doesn't give you the "high" associated with prescription drugs. He just met with his Doctor last week, and got his dose decreased, in order to gradually come off.
He told me many times that he wants to be done with it all. That's not who he is anymore and he is done with that lifestyle. In order to be on methadone, you get drug tested frequently and if you fail, you must restart the process.
I have been an active part of his treatment and he keeps me informed on everything. Recently however, an acquaintance sent me an email, telling me that the weekend I was away, they saw my boyfriend getting out of Sarah's (a well-known prescription drug user and abuser) truck.
I confronted him about it and he ensured me that it wasn't what I thought it was. He wasn't doing "pills" and that she simply gave him a ride somewhere because he couldn't get one.
I believe him. I know he gets drug tested and if he was relapsing - I would know. He would fail his drug test. However, my family got involved and a few people from my small community know about it as well. Now I fear that everyone thinks my boyfriend is a "pillhead". I wish they could really see that he is trying to make himself better. Yes, he made a mistake by being with someone like that, considering his situation but still, no one should have their past held against them forever. It really bothers me that people might be thinking this and I don't know what to do. I fear the story is circulating and I feel like I always have to defend him and explain the situation to EVERYONE and it's really getting annoying.
What should I do?
Answer Hello Dayna!
Wow, you really have some great people in your life! This "friend" emails you and stirs the pot as though you don't know what's going on. Your family and this community is helping to stir the pot as well.
I think the first thing you should do is to go to these people that are simply drama-creators (those that for their own lack of lives want to create problems and drama for others so that they feel like they have something going on, some purpose in life) and tell the to butt the fuck out of your life and get their own! Of course, they justify these heinous actions by claiming that they're just looking out for your best interests. Bullshit! They are simply doing this for their own personal entertainment - at your expense!
As you said before, he's on regular drug testing. You know damn well whether he's back on drugs or not!
You need to shut these people down and if they continue to try to use you for their own personal, mentally-ill entertainment, cut them entirely out of your life.
Dayna, these are no "friends" of yours - trust me. In fact, they are the worst kind of enemies - the kind that slip a knife in your back while looking you right in the eye with a big, friendly smile.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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