AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
Question I've been seeing/ dating this guy (we'll call him J) for a year and a half on and off. I left my job b/c he said it would never work, if we worked at the same place and also the company didn't allow inter-employee dating. SO we finally got together then, within a week and a half he would just break up (usually around a holiday or birthday) with out any explanation except "I just can't be in a committed relationship", but then he would come crawling back and we would pick up where we left off. We discussed the future and being together for a significant amount of time, he would promise that good things would come if I just stuck with him, stuck by his side. HE never took me to his place, never told me anything he was doing, but i thought it would be ok. I stuck around......well things were finally looking up, and we were moving forward. Then one night he tells me again "I'm just not the commitment relationship type, I can't do it. I really tried this last time, but I'd rather be a lone." WHAT THE HELL? I did everything he asked and more, then this AGAIN! He knows me, he can trust me, why cant he be committed? He always gives up? Then after he said that, he says " I still want to hang out with you." So you don't want me, but you do.....I just don't understand his mentality? Later on in the night I get a phone call from him, He puts me on 3-way with his other previous ex-g/f and then proceeds to want a three-some with us. I just hung up b/c I was disgusted. He had everything, he could have wanted, I'm independent, smart, intelligent, career driven.....he is the same way. I feel like a ping pong ball and I don't know what I am suppose to do? Still wait? Hang out with him? or just leave and close up this can of worms?
Answer Hello Brittney!
After a year and a half you're wondering if you should still wait? Come on here Brittney, do I really need to say this?
OF COURSE you shouldn't wait! He's told you that you're not going to have what you want with him. What exactly are you waiting for then? For him to change his mind? He's not going to do that.
He wants you around as a booty call. If you're cool with that, then that's fine, but don't expect anything more from this guy. He simply isn't going to give it to you.
This would be a good time to sit down a write out some relationship goals. Be clear and specific about what you want and then go out and find it. It's out there, trust me, but not with this guy.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
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