Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/25/2009

Question
Hi Dennis,

I'm a straight woman, I'm 30 years old. I'm crazy about men.

I notice that when I see insanely hot, fit girls in bikinis on the beach, I get really turned on, almost to the point of orgasm.

But I am not a lesbian. I'm definitely NOT attracted to women in any way at all.

So why is this happening?

Is it because the female body is considered "better looking" and more "arousing" than the male body is?

that's why women can wear bikinis and beautiful evening dresses and high heels and jewelry? and guys can't?

I'm sure this happens to some gay guys as well...

is it just my body responding to beauty?

(Im an attractive woman too) so perhaps i relate to cute girls more because i am not jealous of another woman's gifts, and im orgasming from it? fantasizing that i can be her?

i just wonder why i dont almost orgasm at the sight of a sexy muscle hunk?

human sexuality is complicated wow

Answer
Hello Lena!

Yes, human sexuality IS complicated! You must REALLY love going to the beach!   ;)

First, don't think you're a lesbian simply because you get aroused looking at other women. Because we are so complicated almost anything can set off that sexual response.

Think about this: some people are turned on by feet, some by leather, some by spankings, some by smells (I have a friend that gets just as turned on as you do by the smell of gasoline - the reason being that she dated a mechanic!), etc., etc.

The point is that somewhere, somehow you developed an association with the visual look of a woman in certain kinds of dress or with certain looks with sexual stimulation. Don't worry, it's perfectly normal and isn't going to harm you or your sex life in the least.

You might want to think a little more about this however. For instance, when you masturbate, what do you fantasize about? Do you fantasize? Some women don't and frankly, I think they're missing an important boat. The reason why is that this is where you can explore your own sexuality in a safe, comfortable way and even grow it.

If you fantasize about women in certain kinds of dress when you masturbate, that's one explanation of why it has grown so far even though you're heterosexual. If you never do and it's only that the images of women arouse you this much it's something different. In fact, this is called a "fetish".

Regardless of the reasons behind it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's not something you have to change or grow out of or anything else. Simply accept it as part of your own uniqueness and let it help you build your sexuality - and the relationships you have with men.

BTW: don't feel that you have to tell others about this if you don't want to. Some people think they have to out themselves on their fetishes in order to "completely honest" with that other person. The only reason you should do this is if you want to, and if it helps you build connection with the other person. If not, then it's perfectly acceptable to keep it to yourself too if you want to.

Bottom line: don't be afraid of it or think of it in any negative way. Let it empower you instead!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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