AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
Question Well I was in a long distance relationship over Yahoo and it ended 5 weeks ago. Basically I screwed up in silly ways on there and hurt her. I quit for a day, but came back and after staying away for another day she added me again during that first week (she said she'll always love me).
Over the next week or so (well for 3 weeks) I questioned her and all that stuff I shouldn't have (to get her back). I asked if she needed time and space and she said yes because she wasn't over things. We both were/are in love heavily and so on... I was bringing things up with regulars on there and I know she hates that (and said to one fella who was ratting me out about saying things to her that we'll only be "friends") and well I stayed away for a week and a half... Came back last Friday... I know she still feels the same and eventually will consider taking me back... she's a flirt and obviously has been naughty since, even if it means nothing that side of stuff... A couple of days ago she was jealous a little and said "I knew you did this before" in regards to viewing and showing for cams... because I was viewing a woman's cam, but never show (basically this is in a regular chatroom on Yahoo).
I decided to stay away for a week from today, even if sometimes "hidden". I know sometimes before she gos offline, whether I am online or not, she changes her display photo to something flirty or so on (of her or pictures with quotes such as "sex without pain is like food without taste" and things like that).
I guess trying to get me to react, to see if I haven't changed.
I know I should just give it more time, but when I do go online just be strong and don't make it look like things bother me or her flirting.
I know she thinks we are meant to be (even if she's in the US and I am in AUS)... I'd like your advice on what she's thinking??? and advice for me... I guess being myself, in what attracted her in the first place is best, but not giving her my entire attention or time.
Answer Hello Ryan!
Being in a long-distance relationship means that you were in no relationship at all. The "relationship" existed only in your head - nowhere else.
First of all, I don't read minds, so I can't tell you what she's thinking. The only one that knows that is her. You're going to have to go ask her.
Now, let me ask you: what do you really want from me here? Do you want me to help you perpetuate this fantasy you have? Do you want me to tell you how to actually PREVENT you from having a REAL relationship with a girl right there in your own backyard with all the richness that you deserve?
Ryan, I'm not going to do that. This long-distance thing is absolutely ridiculous. You may FEEL like it's something, but it's not. It only exists in your noggin.
If you can't reach out and hold her hand whenever you want. If you can't kiss her lips or hold her when she needs, you have nothing.
Even worse, you're actually PREVENTING yourself from finding someone that you could have these things with! You think you're in a "committed relationship" (or were) with this girl? No, you're not. It's simply not reality, and I'm not going to help you continue this unhealthy, cruel fantasy.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
