AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
My girlfriend of 6 months dumped me just before Christmas. She said she needed
space and wasn't sure she wanted a relationship etc. etc..
Then she started seeing another guy.
I completely left her alone. She emailed a few time and called a few times, finally, 3
months ago she called and said she wanted to see me.
We met and she said "could we be friends?" I said no, you have to choose who you
want to be with, me or someone else. She said she didn't want to be my girlfriend. I
said fine, bye.
Now, two months later she emails me and says she has good feelings for me and
really misses talking with me. And will I ever want to talk with her again? And do I
hate her?
I emailed back and said no I don't hate her, but if all she misses about me is
talking, we won't have much to talk about. And I asked her what she wants to talk
about?
Have not heard back yet.
I like this girl, but I am not exactly sure what to do next here.
I am still real sure I do not want to be just friends.
Can you give me a little direction here?
Thanks, Gregg
Answer Hello Gregg!
Yeah - she needed space - to start seeing the other guy! What a gem she is!
I'm very proud of you for standing your ground here. Many guys would be so excited to hear from the ex that they'd rush into a friendship hoping that it would turn into something more. It won't. Trust me Gregg, you DO NOT want to become this girl's friend!
How interesting too that the new guy she's with isn't the one she can talk to. She wants everything, but it makes me wonder even more specifically what she brings to the table - if much at all.
You have 3 choices:
1) Kick her to the curb, tell her absolutely not unless she wants everything you want and go find someone that does.
2) Agree to become her friend; when in fact, you'll become the "emotional tampon" instead. That's the guy she runs to to talk about how badly the guy she's with is treating her. You'll have to be understanding and patient - and will never get anything else but this abuse. Further, she won't bother being there for you because it'll be too tough to hear her ex is actually having a life.
3) Tell her "Ok, but I want somethings in return. To begin with, regular blowjobs and sex. If you want to talk, I want to bang it out. Sounds like a fair exchange to me!" Then, make her live up to her end of the bargain.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
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