AboutAzure Expertise expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Experience Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.
BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.
Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving.
Question I think my question is kind of complex or just plain long (sorry). I'm a 22 year old woman and I have never been in a relationship, or really on more than a few dates. And recently I've had the interest of two guys. One I dated a few times an age ago, he got back in contact, we went out got drunk and I ended up just staying at his place, we fooled around nothing more. I don't live in the city where he's at, and was travelling in. He asked me to meet up the next week, but I gave our 'date' a time limit, as I wanted to get back home, was tired, stressed etc. He asked why I couldn't stay later, this was all by text, and it just seemed really indignant, like that was what had been arranged. I was quite drunk when we last met, so maybe that's what I implied. I'm meant to arrange to meet him again this week, but I think all he wants is sex. On the one hand that's something I need to get out of the way, but on the other, I woke up at his house after our first 'date' just wanting to get the hell out of there, feeling empty and sad, and unconnected. I'm not sure we're compatible or if it could lead to anything. But this is the first sort of 'real' relationship thing that's happened to me so I don't want to dismiss it. I also met another guy, randomly who I ended up talking to. I gave him my phone number, and he called a week later, roughly, asking to talk online. Which I did. But woah it was awkward, he doesn't have very good english, and both his phone call and im-ing were hard to understand, but occasionally sweet. He said he's going to call me tomorrow. I'm not really overly enthusiastic about either of them but feel like I shouldn't be so choosy, and should try and have some fun. But then again I don't feel particularly compatiable or comfortable with them. Am I just wasting my time? What do you think my problem is? Do you think it's ok to walk away from both of these guys even if I haven't had relationships before and I have no other 'options' available to me? I am being picky? Just worried I'm going to talk my self out of good stuff, or into really awkward uncomfortable situtations.
Thanks for any direction/help you can give, sorry for length of the q!
Answer no need to apologize to yourself for being using discretion; you're essentially dating, and need to have certain requirements as to what you expect in order to continue; thusly, you date someone unless/until the bad outweighs the good, or until there's no positive feeling coming out of it; there's always more to choose from, and being alone is usually better than attempting to be with someone u really don't want to be with..
