AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
Question QUESTION: I have been dating a woman for just over a year and a half when ever she comes to my place i offer to make her dinner, i will offer her a drink and through out our eveing i will ask her if she needs anything. Now when we are at her house she does not offer nothing i sometimes make my self a coffee and when she see's me doing this then she say's o i would have done that for you but never offers.She's cooked me dinner one time she got upset with me because my family has to many functions ( once a month) she even can't remember my birthday. I help her kids with there school projects i take her kids out movies,golfing.hockey, and to their practices she does nothing with my kids.She makes what ever plans she wants and thats ok but if i do well she gets all upset for some reason My freinds say she is self serving, at first i siad no way but now i'm starting to think maybe she is. What do you think
ANSWER: Hello Mike!
What the hell Mike??? YES, YES, YES this woman is self-serving! In fact, she's one selfish, self-serving, self-involved bitch! She's only made you dinner ONCE? In 1 1/2 years??? I don't care if she has a "good excuse" or not!
Mike, relationships aren't a balance sheet, but trust me, they have a balance. What's yours? Are you the one doing all the contributing here and she's doing all the getting?
Here's the biggest problem: she's not invested in your relationship! You're there for her convenience to do all these things for her. She, on the other hand, doesn't return any support to it. That means that she can leave it without any loss whatsoever - other than what YOU'RE giving her! Then, all she needs to do is find some other jackass that'll do all the things you do for her, and what does she need you for?
Mike this is VERY unhealthy! You need to lay down some law here and tell her that you expect her to contribute at least as much as you do or there's no relationship to be had - by either of you.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: she tells me she has a poor memory that is why she does not remember my birthday but she seems to remember anything that involves her. One more thing it seems when ever she is interested in something she is totally focused but if she has NO interest in something she almost ignores me
Answer Hello again Mike!
Poor memory is when she doesn't remember HER birthday. Forgetting yours - the person she's supposed to be most aware of in her life - is simply neglect and total lack of consideration. Nothing more, nothing less.
You see, birthdays (in particular) are a chance for those people that care about you to show that caring. It's out of your hands, and the perfect opportunity for others to remind you that you're important to them. Nobody is that forgetful - callous maybe, but not simply forgetful.
Let me put it another way:
Let's say that you and I are sitting in a room. I ask you to go next door and get me a pen. You walk to the door, turn the knob and come back to say, "Sorry, it's locked and I can't get you the pen."
Now, imagine instead that your 6-month-old daughter is in her crib behind that door and the building is on fire. Are you going to come back and say, "Sorry, my daughter's not going to make it - the door is locked"? Of course not. It's now a matter of urgency. You're going to do whatever it takes to get through that door, right?
What about her? What would it take to remember your birthday for christ's sake? Writing a note? Putting it in her calendar - all of about 20 seconds? She can't even spare 20 seconds of her precious life for you?
You see, this woman has a pattern of not giving you consideration. This isn't an event, it's a lifestyle. You represent no urgency in her life because you hold little or no value!
Come on here Mike! Really! Kick that idiot to the curb and go find someone worthy of you and your time.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
