AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between.
IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them!
Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 25,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.
Question We dated for about 3 years.
This is how the break-up went:
He got weird for about a week, I knew it was coming considering his
behavior. When I sat down to speak with him he expressed that he wanted to
take a break. I explained that I don't do breaks because I never believed in
them. He then said that if I didn't want a "break", then it was over.
I said goodbye to him kindly, said my goodbyes to his family, and went on my
way very emotional, of course. He contacted me about an hour later saying
not to be upset. I responded vaguely, and we vaguely spoke the next day.
About 2 days later he text me saying he wasn't giving up on us but he needed
some time to be alone and basically have me not nagging him.
I responded saying that that was fine because I have things to work on
regarding myself anyway. We didn't talk much for the following 5-6 months.
He'd send an e-mail once in a while of forwarded relationship articles like he
used to do when we were together because he knew I liked to read them.
Over a few months I finally started to communicate with his family again. Not
all the time, but here and there. Without me even asking, they'd notify me
that he still talks about me every single day, that his room is still exactly how
it was with our pictures, and gifts i gave him and what not. and even in the
car he'll hear a song and pass comments to his sisters about how I would like
certain love songs or something.
About 6 months after our breakup, my best friend was having a birthday
party, and with my consent she extended an invitation to him. Not she, not I,
not anyone thought he'd come, but sure enough when I least expected it, he
came walking up the driveway right to where I was. My jaw dropped and we
hung out the rest of the night till about 4am with my brother, and close
friends. Everyone welcomed him there just like old times. We didn't have
contact intimately but it almost felt like how it was when we were together.
He was by my side the whole night.
Since then, he has contacted me atleast once a week. This past week he
called me about 3-5 times. He called for strange reasons like
1-asked if i still had one of his sweatshirts
2-to find out what he used to order at an italian rest. we used to go to all the
time
3-about a quiz he took on the computer
4-to see if I knew his sister's bf's address cause he thought something
happened and wanted to go over there
5-and the last call I got on friday night, he sat on the phone asking about
where I was going, he passed a comment regarding him not talking to people
online so much anymore(which was an issue during the relationship), asked if
I was going over to his house?...and just small, b-s talking.
There was more to those convos than just those things, but i'm just confused.
I still love him, have loved him just as much since, but am living my life. and
now he is contacting me more. It feels good, and in a weird way it's giving
me nice satisfaction.
I don't plan on saying anything to him about how he feels about me because
he has to do that on his own. He isn't one to be super open with his
emotions, but if he feels a certain way, he'll end up saying something. I know
he knows I care, but does he still love me?????
Answer Hello Jennifer!
I'm afraid I can't tell you if he still loves you - or ever loved you.
What I can tell you is that he misses that connection he had for 3 years of his life just like you do. Think about this for a minute, how could he not miss it?
I can also tell you this: whatever problems you had that broke you up are still there, they are just muted because of the time of not being together. Many couples do this: this "forget" the problems and only remember the good times. That causes them to miss each other and then they get back together only to find that the original problems come flying right back within weeks or months and they are right back to where they were - only worse.
On the other hand, I'm very concerned that you're so cavalier about all of this. You seem to want to punish him for breaking up with you and that is yet another problem here. If you want to be with him why are you just sitting around waiting for him to do all the work? It seems that your ego is getting in the way of your love.
Frankly, love based on ego isn't love at all. It's arrogance.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"
