AboutMurphy Smith Expertise I can answer any general relationship / dating questions.
Experience I used to work as a counselor in a hospital part time for 15 years (16-32 hours a week) and my job was listening to patients who had relationship problems and giving them advice to help them cope with depression, suicidal behavior and thoughts, loss of a relationship or marriage, sexual issues and diseases, unwanted pregnancy, infidelity, abusive relationships, interracial relationships, prostitution, rape, drug addiction, alcohol addiction and abuse etc. I am very inquisitive and ask alot questions on various subjects, which has made me quite knowledgeable in general. I also have read many books on relationships and dating and if I do not know the answer to a question I will research it until I find the correct answer opposed to just pretending that I know about something that I do not. I have also had alot of friends, co-workers and even strangers tell me their problems and expect a sincere and candid answer because I am told that I appear to be a person that can be trusted and I am.
Education/Credentials High school with some college. I have worked for the government for 10 yrs and as part of my job duties I am expected and required to counsel and advice hundreds of employees.
Past/Present Clients I have counseled and advised hundreds of people in the past 25 years on numerous subjects.
I have these two female friends – A and B. We all worked together. I was just friends with A before B. When I met B, though, I was instantly attracted to her. As I got to know her and we all hung out, I really grew to have strong feelings for her. I was a total idiot. I would get too nervous and didn’t ask her out even though friends were giving me advice and telling me to. B left to go work somewhere else but we all still hung out. I made the mistake of blowing it and not asking B out. I thought she lost interest in me.
Then, I started dating A, even though we'd always been just friends. After I started dating A, B tells me that she liked me all along. B said when she had asked me to hang out once alone, it was because she liked me. Stupid me! I blew her off!
Here’s the OTHER problem: turns out, A knew all along that B was very interested in me and was giving her advice for a long time. But A never told me about B’s feelings – and now A is dating me herself. I got an email from B saying she was always interested in me but she feels betrayed by A and has ended their friendship. She also said she’s moving away from the group because it would be too hard to be a part of it anymore.
I haven’t responded to B’s email (this was one month ago) and I haven’t heard from her. I’m afraid she’s gone for good. Should I dump A and ask B out now that I know how she really feels? I mean, didn’t A lie to both me and B and get in the middle, and I too should feel betrayed? I still work with A everyday! Should I wait a while to dump A before I contact B? How do I go about this? I am a mess about this. THANKS for the advice.
Patrick
Answer Patrick:
If you truly like "B" better than "A" then call "B" and tell her how you feel about her and how "A" was not telling you that she liked you and asked her how she feels about you. If "B" likes you and wants to go out with you then tell her that you have been sseing "A" but will break up with her if she wants to see you because you really like her and always have and that you are not playing any games and are total serious. If "B" says she definately wants to see you then tell "A" that you no longer want to see her. You do not have to tell her that the reason but most likely she will find out and will be mad at you. You could tell "A" that you don't like what she did with you and "B" but that is up to you.
If "B" is no longer interested in you then asked her can you be friends and go out as friends because I think she probably still likes you. If she says that you cannot even be friends that go out then leave her alone but only stay with "A" if you are happy with her because she lied to you and you never really wanted her, you wanted "B" once you met her.
You also could break things off with "A" just based on the fact that she lied to you and did not tell you about "B"s feelings for you and then talk to "B" and tell her that you are no longer with "A". If she does not want to see you then move on and find another woman who is not "A" or "B". Just be careful not to go back and forth between "A" and "B" because in the end they will know that you were seeing both of them and you will end up with neither. Also never go back to the three of you hanging out because "A" cannot be trusted anymore and will always cause problems betwwen you and "B" if you let her because she wants you.
If it was me I would definately tell "B" how I felt about her and what "A" did as far as not being truthful and then based on what "B" said and how she responded I would make my next move. "B" may still like you but you will never know unless you tell her how you feel about her and hear what she has to say. Talk to "B" and tell her how you feel and what happened.
