Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/3/2009

Question
I am asking the infamous question most women my age ask.  Where are the men?

I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and their business.  I work with mostly women.  I am involved in clubs and organziations, however, it seems most of the men that are also involved are married, or long term involvement.

I go to church, most of the men there are married.   And I have asked my friends to suggest men to go out with.  They dont seem to offer anyone up either.

I work to stay involved in the community, etc.  Yet, it just seems I never seem to meet anyone to date.

I have tried online dating to broaden the scope.  Only, the men I have met on there seem to be looking more for notches on their belt and online dating make it simple.

I am open to suggestions on how to meet and where to meet men!  Help!

Answer
Hello Susans!

I know that sometimes it feels like dying of thirst in a dry desert, but in fact, there are men out there - even where you are.

You probably know how I constantly tell people to avoid long-distance relationships ("LDR's") and that still hold here. Even in small towns there are great men, if not right there on your block with easy-reach distance.

LDR's are those with more than an hour between the people. I'll bet you have larger cities right around you easily within an hour or less. That is one source of fresh meat.

You're involved in community-based organizations and that is an excellent way to meet new guys. However, you may have tapped what's available to you there and might need to expand your "sphere of influence" by checking out other organizations or "cross-polonization" with other organizations with greater or different reaches.

Another source of potential partners are classes, lectures, community-based events (like "Music in the Park" and others) along with fairs, parties and other events throughout your town.

Remember too that you need to be actively marketing. Think of giving out your phone number as doing this "marketing" - just like any successful business does. Thus, you want to be seeking out these opportunities to exchange and meet new people. You need to make sure that your eyes are up and looking around - not on the ground trying to avoid people. By being engaging, you ARE engaging.

Trust me, every person in your city has had to meet their partners too just like you're doing now. If you give up and believe it's not possible, life has a way of making that come about. On the other hand if you think in terms of possibilities, life provides that for you instead.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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