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General Dating Questions/Feeling distant and unimportant.


QUESTION: Hello!!  My name is Lance, and I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 6 months now.  I love her very very much and we recently got over a big fight that almost broke us up.  Anyway!  My problem is I have never been insecure or worrysome in a relationship before, ever.  I am with this girl.  I worry that she isn't actually doing what she tells me she is doing.  I need to point out that we live about two hours from each other and see each other just about every weekend.  I have recently been feeling distant from her though.  Unimportant.  Like she isn't really putting forth as much effort to make me feel loved and wanted and needed as much as I am for her.  We both made it clear that we need to try harder to make each other feel wanted, and she was for a while, but now she has kinda stopped.  I feel like I'm not providing her with something in this relationship that she needs and that she is going to go find it with another man.  I also need to point out that we have only had sex once.  and it was a month ago.  She seems reluctant to make love to me, and it makes me feel inadequate and unattractive.  I'm sorry, but I'm a normal human male that adores the chance to make love to this woman.  And after we make love, all of my worries I have disappear.  They just go away.  I just would like help and incite in this.  =[[  I am 20 and she is 21.  What is going on!? lol

Thank you!

ANSWER: i would need her side of the story as well...your issues with her could be reasonable, or you could be too needy; what exactly do you want besides the sex that she's not giving you? for the sex, have you talked to her as to her reluctance?

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well, she almost never compliments me. lol  The only time she does is after I compliment her. lol I don't feel like any sort of priority.  I feel like she doesn't care if I'm around or not.  I don't feel like she wants my pressence, or like she doesn't care.  Like I'm just a bonus in her life she takes for granted. lol ya know?

so tell her...but if you have to tell her, what's it worth?..maybe she acts like that because she doesn't really care very much--the non-interest in sex leads to that conclusion; lower expectations to zero, stop contacting, meet/date others..see if this approach makes her realize what she's missing--if not, you're wasting your time with her...

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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