General Dating Questions/Relationship lost that "spark," is it normal?
Hello, I was wondering if you might be able to give me a little insight or advice since everyone in my life right now has different opinions on this.
My boyfriend of 1 year and 9 months just broke up with me and his reasoning is he just can't find that "spark" we once had. He claims he does not know where it went, and for the past 2 months he has been trying to get it back, but it just doesn't seem to be working. He also mentioned that the "spark" could be gone because he is not sure if he is still "in love" with me. He is sure that he "loves" me, but not positive if he still is "in love" because the spark went away. Therefore he broke up with me to see if the spark might come back with some time apart. I have read on other sites that this happens in every relationship, the "honeymoon" phase wears out, and people become comfortable with each other. Therefore, the relationship needs an effort from both ends of the spectrum to keep it alive.
The couple questions I have for you are;
-Do you think time apart is really a "fix" for this type of relationship issue? Or should we be working through this in a relationship with each other to try and make things work?
-Is there anything I can do while we are not together to try and re-kindle that "spark?"
-Could there be a possibility that we lost that "spark" because we are always texting all throughout the day, every day not giving each other much space?
-If we were to try and work through this as a couple, what should we do to try and gain the spark back?
My GF and I celebrate 2 years tomorrow. Even though I'm truly the happiest that I've ever been, we have had conversations about not having the spark that we did when we got together. What I love about her is that she is a lot like me. When there's a problem, we address it immediately and work to find a solution. Because of that, we were able to tell each other what's missing from each other and how WE, not her, not me, but both of us can work on them to bring it back.
I don't think time apart is a smart idea at all. That gets people used to being apart, not together. I find it hard for people to say that they love someone but are not "in love" with them any longer. I think that's a cop-out for saying the magic/spark is gone. When we're truly in love, that's something that's really hard to go away. Don't discredit the fact that there could be someone else. This is a classic excuse for "I want us to break up and see other people" when he's just hoping he can claim her as someone he started dating after you broke up.
My advice would be to sit down (possibly several times over the next couple weeks) and lay it all out for each other. Tell each other the truth about what's missing no matter how bad you think it will hurt the other. Bottling up feelings is what drives people apart. Open and brutally honest conversation, LISTENING AND UNDERSTANDING, and working out those issues is what keeps a couple going.
If he doesn't want to go along with that, he may just be done. If that's the case, I'd agree to being apart so you can cut your losses and move on.