General Dating Questions/Asking Out


QUESTION: Hi, I have a pretty long question so I'd like to thank you in advanced for reading and hopefully answering!

Firstly starting of with myself: I am a university student, 20 years old, doing well in my academia and career prospects. Also I am quite shy around girls that I actually like, for instance I have no issues with girls that I won't want to ask out on a date, regardless of their sex appeal.

Now onto the girl, she studies the same course, though our module choices vary a bit. She seems quite shy and doesn't have many friends - I'm the one usually surrounded by friends, so this is the total opposite of what most guys face!

Now until recently, the main issue I had was thatI haven't really talked to her properly. The main way in which I tried expressing my interest was by checking her out in lectures every so often and I believe she has caught me looking at her. Her response is usually to start playing with her hair and I think she also glances in my direction every so often. So I'm assuming she is aware of my interest, though I'm not sure if she reciprocates it.

However there has now been a recent development, I got onto the elevator with her(she was with one guy friend who I talk to occasionally) and about 5 of my friends. And we were just discussing how I don't like lifts and at that point she asked asked me if I was scared. I should've possibly took the opportunity to flirt with her but in a lift full of 7 guys I decided against it (thank god!) so instead I just replied honestly no, I just don't like small spaces. Now I personally think this is great I can now talk to her randomly since I've had this ice breaker.

Now my question is, since she barely turns up to lectures and since I might find it difficult to talk to her in lectures. When I see her next should I ask her for coffee under the pretence that I would like to get to know her better, or should I attempt a proper conversation first?

Thanks for your advice!

ANSWER: Hi Seth,

Every situation like this starts off complicated but I'll keep it as simple as possible because this only needs a simple answer.

As soon as you're alone with her, ask her out, before your brain realises what you're saying and you lose your nerve. The longer you leave it, the higher the probability of someone else asking her out first and you being left with 'what ifs'. Life is too short to worry about things like this incessantly.

If she says no, she says no. At least you can eliminate the 'does she she like me?' thoughts. Maybe she wants to be friends but start off with a coffee and see how it goes. No one ever died from having too many friends.

All the best.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for your quick and clear reply, so do you think I shouldn't at least have a proper converstaion with her at least once before asking her out properly?

Thanks again!

Hi Seth,

You could say something like "I saw you around a think you'd be cool to hang out with, do you want to go out for a coffee/drink some time?" Or you could try to talk to her one to one just before asking (within the same conversation). All you're asking her to do is go for a coffee, there's no commitment attached.

Sometimes no words are needed if you already feel a spark there though, she might already be on your wavelength.

All the best


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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