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General Dating Questions/Boyfriend no longer in love?

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My bf and I are both 25, love together and have been together for 4.5 years. For the past month I have noticed a change with him which have affected us. He is very unhappy in his life situation.  He is in a dead end job he hates but isn't doing anything to change that. He comes home every night and sits on his computer bearly talking to me until we go to sleep. I am an anxious person and I know my sometimes insecurities bother my bf.  the lack of interest and intimacy he has shown me recently have made me very insecure.  I tried to talk to him about it and it never solves anything.  He says nothing is wrong, he is tired or to stop nagging him when he is watching is sports or on the computer. I feel like we are just living as friends and not a loving couple.  I feel like there is a big disconnect between us and I don't know what to do or how to fix it. Everytime I bring it up and tell him how I feel... I get complaints and that I'm being crazy.  Another thing I should mention is that I have mentioned in the last 8 months my interest in marriage and getting engaged.  He has expressed how he doesn't like the idea of marriage and that we are way too young.  He says I get extra crazy and insecure when I hang out with my engaged and married friends which really hurts me.  He even once told them when we were all together " have fun talking about marriage....your fav subject".  My friends all sorta looked at me with that "what?" Expression.  I want to know what to do here! I want this relationship to work.  I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but I can't live like this.  I'm so unhappy.  He just seems to not care anymore, is snappy and grumpy with me and I just feel an overall disconnect that I have never felt before! What is my next step??

Answer
You're not too young to get married, but that shouldn't be about age, it should be about your current life situation.  Honestly, one of the things that this usually means is that he's messing around with someone else.  I don't think this is the case though.  There are a lot of other things that go along with that that you would have noticed if you were able to notice all this other.  It sounds like he is just depressed about something.  Maybe somethings going on at work that he doesn't want you to worry about.  I really don't think, based on what you've told me, that it's anything other than that.  The only other things could be drugs, or low testosterone.  If it's that, he would be tired all the time too.  Very common to begin about his age and is just recently being accepted as a real medical issue by doctors.

On another note, you two have to be on the same page as to whether marriage is at least an option or not.  If he's dead set against it and says he'll never change his mind, you may as well go now because your wasting precious time with him until one of you finally blow one day.

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Larry Luv

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There are no questions that I can not answer. I am well known for my no-nonsense, straight to the point answers. My answers may hurt your feelings, but they will be the truth. I always try to do my best to help one understand the WHY, not just the how or what.

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I have been a relationship counselor in various aspects for over 15 years. I have counseled people from the lowest levels of the community to the highest. My training includes a number of certifications in behavioral science.

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I have numerous certificates in behavioral science, demeanors, and non-verbal communication. I also hold a Bachelors in FWP Psychology.

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