General Dating Questions/Confused

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Hello Larry,

I'm having trouble determining if a guy is really into me, and what his intentions are for the relationship. I don't know how to handle this, and what I can say and do to encourage what I'm wanting from him. I'll just get right to the point here: I'm currently talking with/seeing a guy right now who I feel is sending me mixed messages. We met at the beginning of August, we both attend the same university. He expressed interest right away, and I was very flattered but tried not to show it a whole lot..attempting to play hard to get, I suppose.

I'm really reluctant to trust in relationships. A guy has to prove himself to me. Well, I tried to keep it casual and was just testing the waters until about a month ago. He started really initiating even more and wanting to see me any chance he could, and wanting to talk with me, checking in several times a day and things like that. He made it very obvious that he's interested in a relationship, but isn't wanting things to become serious so soon. He's so respectful, and a gentleman to me. So concerned about how I am feeling and what I want. Constantly complimenting me and I can definitely tell he's attracted to me. All this time I was thinking how sweet these gestures were, yet still trying to convince myself that he's no different than all the rest and he's just going to end up moving on to someone different.

Ah, another thing to add. The university we are at is known for it's basketball program, and he is one of the starters. This complicates things because it's not quite as private and everyone has their opinion about both of us as a couple. I can sense a little ego that comes out ocassionally, but he is a talented athlete so I don't worry too much about it. And he also is very enthusiastic about touching me..anytime, anywhere. At first he hugged me any and every chance he got. Always greeting me with a hug and kiss on the top of my head or forehead. Casual and sweet. Then it progressed..and a couple weeks ago we got caught up in the moment and ended up going pretty far. Although we didn't have sex, which was due to me drawing the line there.

Well this past week I was in his apartment and he had a very deep conversation with me about his childhood and growing up...and I wasn't expecting it at all. He seemed so vulnerable and open about so much, and I was just listening. He told me afterwards that it was strange because he had never opened up like that to anyone else before. I basically just brushed it off and didn't think too much of it at first. Except everytime we spend an extended amount of time together, the same thing seems to happen! And he isn't like this with other people, he is much more guarded.

He left about 5 days ago for a series of away games, and will not be back until Sunday evening. It's been during this time that I've missed him terribly and for the first time realized how strong my feelings are for him. And that's intimidating for me. He has texted me about once a day, and I have texted him first a few times. He always texts back, just not right away. Sometimes it's even a couple hours. I don't know what that could mean. Maybe he's just busy. Regardless, I'm having my doubts. Is he really into me? How should I handle this? Is texting just going to confuse things at this point?

I hope this isn't just a jumbled mess of an e-mail for you! If you can sort through it somehow and manage to give me some advice, I'd be very grateful!

Thank you :)

Answer
He's into you, don't over analyze things.  People (ESPECIALLY GUYS), don't open up to someone like that when they don't see long term, love, and possibly more down the road.  That was the ultimate trust he could give you.

Let me tell you about your fear of opening up to him.  It's going to totally F up any chance you two have in a successful relationship.  There's nothing wrong with being guarded, but he opened up to you, you should do the same.  Let me give you an example.  My girl was very guarded when we first started dating.  She had that mentality that I was going to screw her over somehow just like every other guy did.  During the entire first year she was that way and I later found out that she cheated on me because, even though we lived together, it just couldn't be as good as it seemed.  I guess because of the time delay, I was able to process it and let it go, but let me assure you, years later, there's not a single day that goes by where I don't reflect on it and get sick to my stomach.  It's the one and only negative thing in our relationship and it's all because she couldn't just let go and trust that I was the good guy I seemed to be.  This morning I woke her up with coffee in bed and a kiss.  I'm still the guy I promised her I was and it was almost ruined by a lack of trust.

Don't screw yours up.  If he's the big shot you say he is, of course he's busy.  Trust him, open up to him and let things take their course.  Honestly, he may F you over.  So what, you learn the signs he showed beforehand and know what to watch for in the future.

Good luck  

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Larry Luv

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There are no questions that I can not answer. I am well known for my no-nonsense, straight to the point answers. My answers may hurt your feelings, but they will be the truth. I always try to do my best to help one understand the WHY, not just the how or what.

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I have been a relationship counselor in various aspects for over 15 years. I have counseled people from the lowest levels of the community to the highest. My training includes a number of certifications in behavioral science.

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T and A

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I have numerous certificates in behavioral science, demeanors, and non-verbal communication. I also hold a Bachelors in FWP Psychology.

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