General Dating Questions/dating crises

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I met this guy about too months ago, and we have been seeing eachother about once or twice a week, eventhough it is quite difficult to get him to answer his phone. He is quite a catch and is always buisy and people are alaways calling him.

Well We agreed that it was just gonna be something casual because we both just got out of some long serious relationships. but as things progressed  he started doing things like showing me pictures from earlier in his life and talking about his family and texting me things like he missed me and stuff. by the way we have been sleeping together the last couple of weeks.

but then 4 days ago i was out and i met this guy who i kissed and he ended up sleeping at my place (only slepped). and then the next day the guy i have been seeing calls me and tells me he does not want to see me anymore, because it turns out the guy i kissed is one of his best friends. He tells me that he is not angry with me but that it is just to weird now. I then tried to convince him to keep seeing me, and said things like "I couldnt understand why it was a big deal because we were just having sex for fun." He finally agrees to think about it, and then later he calls and says that he has come to the same conclusion, but that he still wants to see me and be friends, and that he would also still like to come to the party that i had invited him to a few weeks earlier, if it was okay with me. i said that it was fine, and when he came to the party we flirted a little but no kissing and he left after a couple of Hours.

my problem is now that after we are not seeing eachother anymore ive realized that i have fallin i love with the guy and it is driving me crazy. so my question to you is do i have just a tiny chance of fixing things with him or should i just start dealing with the heartbreak? and also if i have a chance what should i do, i need a strategy after i have messed things up completely?

Answer
Hello Emilie!

Yes, you might have a chance to fix things, but the first step is to realize that the issue wasn't about you and his friend. The real issue is that he's not that attracted to you; at least, not as much as you are him.

When a guy likes a girl he's usually falling all over himself to connect with her. He certainly answers the phone and is usually making at least half the calls. That's not really going on here. While I think it's a good thing for you to chase him, he has to reciprocate as well. I'm sure you'll say that he's "different" but trust me, if you were the girl of his dreams (in his eyes) he'd definitely be turning things around.

Let's be clear about what you want. You want a real relationship with this guy - not just a "friend" and an occasional bed-buddy, right? If so, that's what you need to focus on. You don't really want to be his friend. If you were that person, it'd mean you'd have to watch while he starts seeing other girls (even bringing them to parties), gives you less and less time, doesn't make time to see you, etc., and you'd have to understand because he's your "friend".

Instead, be clear (at least to yourself) about what you want. Find out based on this what he wants as well and become that girl to him. I'm not talking about right now, I'm talking about in the long-term. This isn't something you're going to figure out in just a day or two. It's going to take some real time.

If he'll make that time for you, then you have a chance with him. If he won't, it's about him not wanting you to become that person to him and you'll know that's the time to move on.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
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Remington Publications
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Publisher of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III"
Producer of "BAM! TV"

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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