General Dating Questions/Disconnect in relationship
My bf and I are both 25, love together and have been together for 4.5 years. For the past month I have noticed a change with him which have affected us. He is very unhappy in his life situation. He is in a dead end job he hates but isn't doing anything to change that. He comes home every night and sits on his computer bearly talking to me until we go to sleep. I am an anxious person and I know my sometimes insecurities bother my bf. the lack of interest and intimacy he has shown me recently have made me very insecure. I tried to talk to him about it and it never solves anything. He says nothing is wrong, he is tired or to stop nagging him when he is watching is sports or on the computer. I feel like we are just living as friends and not a loving couple. I feel like there is a big disconnect between us and I don't know what to do or how to fix it. Everytime I bring it up and tell him how I feel... I get complaints and that I'm being crazy. Another thing I should mention is that I have mentioned in the last 8 months my interest in marriage and getting engaged. He has expressed how he doesn't like the idea of marriage and that we are way too young. He says I get extra crazy and insecure when I hang out with my engaged and married friends which really hurts me. He even once told them when we were all together " have fun talking about marriage....your fav subject". My friends all sorta looked at me with that "what?" Expression. I want to know what to do here! I want this relationship to work. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him but I can't live like this. I'm so unhappy. He just seems to not care anymore, is snappy and grumpy with me and I just feel an overall disconnect that I have never felt before! What is my next step??
Normally I would give a long reason why you should not give up on this guy, however, I want to give you a strategy that actually works, and we will keep this between you and me. You see men follow stages before they actually fall in love, I know because Im a man.
Stage 1: Infatuation.
Stage 2: Pussy whipped.
Stage 3: Bliss.
Stage 4: Boredom.
Stage 5: Loss.
Stage 6: Truly in love / or not.
Not all men follow this pattern, but I believe your man does. When you guys first met I bet he was very attentive to your needs; he was infatuated with you. After the relationship went to the next level, your bf got pussy whipped that is why he made you his woman. Like all men who are pussy whipped, they become blissful. Well guess what, once you reach heaven, hell begins to have appeal, so you become bored, rude, frustrated, and withdrawn from the relationship; so much so that the man loses his mate (You) because his hell is spilling over into your world, and it is this inevitable loss that puts things in their proper perspective for the man, is he in love or not?
So here is what I would suggest at this point. Your bf is at the boredom stage, the next stage can either place control in your hands (heaven) or in his hands (hell); but the next stage of loss will be next. You got to break up with him and leave him, no sex, no phone calls, and no texting; now the strategy is not to break up with him, but to get closer together with him, if this man loves you, not only will you find out, but he will find out too just how much he loves you, but only after he loses you, but you got to be strong, if you give in and get back with him to soon he will forever have the power; write me back and let me know how it goes, give it 30-60 days to take the full affect.