General Dating Questions/Is this my fault?

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Question
I met my boyfriend 4 years ago when I was 21 and since then literally all of my close guy friends have turned on me... For example I had one friend who I had known for almost 13 years tell me this morning not to speak to him anymore because I'm "annoying" (just deciding this after more than a decade?) and mentioned that "by the way I'm way better looking than your fatass boyfriend." My boyfriend is not even fat so this just feels like a gratuitous insult. One guy's exgirlfriend told me that he complains nonstop behind my back about how much he hates me (despite texting me all day and always wanting to hang out), and yet another guy friend became increasingly rude and disrespectful until I quit talking to him... I have been friends with all of these guys for 10+ years.
Why would they suddenly become so petty and angry? I have never expressed any romantic feelings for any of them, in fact I've turned them all down at one point or another, and still they are completely hateful toward me and my relationship. I've never been involved with any of them or gave them the idea (unless being somebody's friend is leading them on) that I was "holding out" for them in any way. This is really upsetting to me because I don't like conflict and negativity and feel like I am rapidly losing all of my longtime friends :(
Can guys and women really not be friends, or do my guy friends just lack integrity?

Answer
Hi Meg,

Ah yes, this is a very classic situation. It is my opinion that guys and girls cannot be “just friends.” There is almost always more feelings coming from one of the parties, typically from the guy who is friends with the girl. You actually answered your own question without even realizing it when you said, “in fact I've turned them all down at one point or another.” You see it now? All these guys had some degree of romantic feelings towards you, and they likely coveted you in a way. When they saw another man “steal” their girl, and yes that is how it resonates with them, they became angry and jealous. In their eyes, you turned them all down in the romantic sense, but your boyfriend was able to accomplish what they could not. That is exactly what you are witnessing with all your male friends right now. They are not really mad at you so much as they are upset you are no longer single. They cannot act the way they used to around you because you are off the market. This causes them frustration, anger, jealousy, etc., and they act out those feelings towards you.

This kind of behavior can be traced way back to when we were cavemen. Men were very territorial of their women because women were prizes to be safely guarded back in those times. Other men would try to steal their women from them, literally. So here were are in modern times and not much has changed, except guys aren’t coming up to you when your boyfriend is away, clubbing you over the head, and taking you back to their cave, lol. It feels just like that though to your male friends.

I wish there was a way to curb this kind of behavior, but unfortunately, I have not heard of anything that works effectively. This is a biological response process your male friends are going through that cannot be stopped. The best thing for you to do is to remain true to who you are, live your life for YOU, not anyone else, and trust that sometimes friends will naturally move out of our circle as we grow and mature. Your male friends as being forced to grow and mature themselves through this process.

I hope that helps you at least understand where they are coming from and the reasons behind their behavior. Please let me know if you have any other questions. Good luck!

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Mike Lamb

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My expertise is in answering questions from men about dating women. I have a wealth of knowledge pertaining to nearly all facets of the dating world today. We all know that there are ways to be successful in dating, but what are they? I can answer that for you. I want to teach you how to find not just any woman who will date you, but the RIGHT woman who has long-term potential for a healthy relationship. That starts with how you act and treat women in the very beginning of the dating stages. I can teach how to get there and stay there for the duration of the relationship, on into marriage if that's where it leads. My aim is to teach you to respect yourselves as men first, to be gentlemen, and to change your life for the better. That is my passion. I want to support all good men in successful dating practices. I am not here to offer pick-up techniques or to help you get women into bed. My purpose is more noble than that. I cannot answer questions pertaining to psychology or psychological problems as these would best be addressed by a licensed mental health counselor.

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For over a decade, I have dedicated myself to becoming a better man and to understanding women. This has led me to all sorts of seminars, training programs, books, etc. There is a wealth of information out there, but how much of it really is useful in real-world application? I have narrowed down the best and most-relevant information for men as it pertains to dating. This is information I have tested and learned in the real world from personal experiences and also gathered from the personal experiences of those closest to me.

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