General Dating Questions/my life


Hello, I want to tell you something and hopefully you can help me.
Some background info - I am a 28yo male, married for a couple of years and have been suffering on and off from depression for a good few years. Most of my depression is related to me and my personality. I should try to explain a bit more. I have always been a quiet and shy person. I get on well with pretty much anyone but I dont have any close friends, even among members of my family who I rarely see. I guess at times I feel lonely and would like to be more 'normal' (you probably hate that word but there it is). The situation is probably not helped by my wife working out of the country during the week and only back at weekends. Lately I have tried to be a bit more sociable with my work friends and also my wifes sister and her partner (just together, not married or engaged). I have been to see a counseller to talk about my depression and other issues for a few weeks. This week was a very tough week, I think things just got on top of me a bit too much - being lonely, cold weather, wife away etc.. and a bad week in work. On one of the evenings, my wifes sister came round for a cup of tea and a chat and I guess she could see something wasnt quite right with me and was asking questions. I guess I was at a particularly low point so I blurted out everything about how I had been feeling lately etc... and had a bit of a cry. My wifes sister offered me a hug which is just what i needed. However, as we separated, I kissed her. Im not really too sure what happened next, I think she was just surprised and caught offguard really while I apologised. Im not sure how long she stayed before getting a taxi, might have been 5mins or 30mins, its all a blur. Since then I have thought of nothing else. It's probably not helped by the fact that I find my sister in law very attractive and I think about her quite a bit while masturbating during the week/in shower etc... Ive even fantasised about her wearing her bridesmaid's dress for me. I guess all of this has me more confused than ever!
What do you think about my situation?

Hi Damien,

You are quite right, I do not think "normal" exists. I think there are a number of social factors that set our standards of "normal" but that doesn't mean to say that they are correct. As far as values and morals go, it is usually best that we do live by the standards set for us though.

Morally, I would say that this mishap with your sister-in-law is wrong. I don't know much about your wife but I'm sure she's supported you when possible in the past and working away from her husband can't have been an easy choice to make. If you want to keep your wife, this thing with your sister-in-law must be left as is. Do not open another door before the previous one is closed. That is not to say you should dump your wife for her sister because they're family and it would be wrong of you to get in the way of that bond between them. I am saying that if you do not love your wife any longer, separation is an option worth exploring but it may leave you at rock bottom with nothing left in your life.

Continue your therapy and discuss this with your therapist, as you will be able to talk to them at length. However, my guess from the little you've told me is that you were vulnerable and needed comfort. When we are low, we tend to revert to a child-like state and you seemed to have latched on to the closest person to comfort you, although it does not help that you have fantasised about her before.

My advice, otherwise, would be to get some hobbies and find things you enjoy that will get you out of the house and enable you to make friends. Loneliness will not help your current situation, nor will spending more and more time with your sister-in-law. I would apologise to your sister-in-law when you next see her (my advice would be to try to decrease the occasions in which you see her from now on though) and explain that you were very low and did not mean to kiss her. Maybe then you can also discuss whether she is going to or wants to you tell your wife.

All the best.


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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