General Dating Questions/What is he playing at?


QUESTION: Hello basically I am in my early 20's and I have nearly been at my work place for a month. The male I am discussing is mid 40s. In general people at work apart from his close circle think he is a moody grumpy old man. He has a laugh sometimes but doesn't really talk in the office, very work centred.

He is different with me. He protects me, I was getting bullied he went defended me standing up for myself to my manager. I needed help at work no one else was helping, friday night. He came helped me alot. There are other new workers who have told me he will not help them at all.

We work together now on few cases, so gradually spend more time together. But he will always say he can't hear me so I have to go next to him to talk.

Last week in a meeting our knees knocked eachother few times, he moved away, then came back with his knee i moved away. He kept staring at my note pad next to me but side of his eyes and smiling at me.

But he does go hot and cold. Now I realised he is married. I over heard a conversation. When alone with him i said how long have you been married he went into shock, was quiet then said too long. all the car journey he was quiet then at the end back to flirty.

Yesterday more visits with him and on the way to the journey very giggly we are sarky. In the meeting a worker was putting a pen in and out her mouth staring at him. He just focused on me, eye contact with me, staring at me, mentioning me alot in the meeting.

But then he makes the next meeting without me, just him her and another worker. I should been invited. Outside I got fiesty i said ok so i'm not invited. He smirked sooo much and then after a bit said I am invited but i refused saying I am busy but he was grining!

Then at the office we were joint working on a document. My first time I had done this, he made changes to my draft so i typed it up. I verbally told him I had alot of work to do. He makes me sit next to him for a hour! he changed majority of the document, wouldn't let me go do my work and he didn't even let me help or talk or touch the computer. So why waste my hour? then When i asked him how to use the software. He said to ask admin it is long.

I just said ok thats fine. Then suddenly he started showing me, i kept saying it's fine I will find out. Then he asked twice later if I am ok. I was so angry at him. I'm just confused now.

In general I am a giggly type of girl, but I am decent i get shy around men. I blush alot but he helps but he doesn't help. Just so lost.

ANSWER: He 100% wants to bang you.  Let me assure you, you don't want to go there with a married guy.  Screwing around with married people will get you killed, literally.  It doesn't sound like you're into the guy, so that's a good thing.  A key word he said was "too long" when you asked about his marriage.  I used to say the same thing when I was married and I ONLY ever said it to women that I wanted to sleep with.  

This is your job, so if things get to be too much, you need to address it with him.  If you don't feel comfortable with going to him direct, don't hesitate to go to HR.  They take this crap VERY seriously.  You shouldn't have to go to work and be eye-Fd all day when you're just trying to do your job.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for answering so quickly. But I was wondering if you could tell me why he made me sit next to him in the office for that one hour whilst doing that document. Even though really he wouldn't let me have no input and i was busy. Our office is open planned as in looks like call centre and there were other workers about. It made me feel thick not like he fancied me.

Also i asked him to carry my diary upstairs as i needed to go to the loo on return from a visit and he was going upstairs. He said no. Hence hot and cold.

He wants you around him because he's hoping for a mutual spark to develop.  When that spark doesn't happen, he gets pissed and starts being an ass to you.  For some reason, guys like this think that being a dick to a girl is some kind of "Power" that attracts the girls.  I've seen it a lot and it never works.  

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Larry Luv


There are no questions that I can not answer. I am well known for my no-nonsense, straight to the point answers. My answers may hurt your feelings, but they will be the truth. I always try to do my best to help one understand the WHY, not just the how or what.


I have been a relationship counselor in various aspects for over 15 years. I have counseled people from the lowest levels of the community to the highest. My training includes a number of certifications in behavioral science.

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I have numerous certificates in behavioral science, demeanors, and non-verbal communication. I also hold a Bachelors in FWP Psychology.

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