General Dating Questions/Relationship Slowly Crumbling
My fiancee and I get along together very well, we don't argue in public,or put or differences on facebook have the same unique interest and hobby's.The problem is that we just don't get each others needs.
For example what's been happening is that I still live with my mum and constantly she bugs me about being too fat (I'm not that big) where I work at(it's hard finding a good job with no experience) and her nagging me, but not doing much to actually help. I tell my fiancee these problems with her all the time and he always get's irritated at me. To him it's the same thing, he thinks I should be able to ignore it because that's what he does when he has family issues but I just can't... and he has asked me how I wanted him to act and I just don't want him to be irritated with me and I just don't know what to say to him about that. Because he tells me his going to be irritated.(I don't bring it up daily or weekly I'd say once every 3 weeks or a month maybe.)
He also doesn't like me talking about negative stuff all the time but that's the way I normally deal with stress(venting).Also Trying to "talk" with mum about my issue will not help she's ignorant and not willing to change because she sees nothing wrong.
His problem with me is that he says I'm just not a pleaser. I don't seek to please him a lot, but I dunno how to. He says he trys to please me all the time and try new things, but the thing is I don't think it's necessary (It's not really my top priority for me so I don't get concerned about that) I'm happy as long as were not arguing and we get close contact with each other. He wants me to spontaneously please him most of the time but he doesn't just want me to do one same thing and he doesn't know how to tell me exactly what he wants.
In life now I want to concentrate on my career and getting the heck out of my mum's house, becoming financially independent. He get's mad at me for that because he tells me I'm forgetting my dreams of being an artist!!! And having a full-time job would stop me from doing that as my life's work because working full-time you'll only think about sleeping and that job becomes your life, but I don't like the thought of living here till I'm 30 hell being here till I'm 24 sounds like hell.
I know you can't tell me what he wants, but I would like to know how to deal with these problems, his problems with me and my problems with him.(excluding the mum issues) I actually like to help people with their emotional/baggage issues so I wouldn't mind if he did talk to me about what's going on with his family... but again that isn't his top priority.
Hi there and thanks for your question.
I've read this a couple times, and I still am coming up with the same question - what is it you want?
For example, you tell me that you have problems with your mother. You tell him these problems. What is it you want him to do when you tell him this? Is there anything he can do to make it better? Is there anything he can say to make it better? I do understand that your problems with your mom are frustrating to you, and things like that are definitely hard to ignore. However, I don't know what he can do at this point to make them go away. That's a problem between you and your mom. However, I don't understand what you want your fiancee to do.
You go on to say that you don't think it's necessary for him to please you. That brings me to my first point, which is asking you what it is that you want him to do when you vent about your mom. Wouldn't that be pleasing you, in some way? As far as him saying he wants you to spontaneously please him, to me, that's important in a relationship. Why not surprise him with dinner one night? Have a movie night, plan a date night. A relationship needs those things.
Maybe, just maybe, if you two work on developing your relationship a bit more, you will see that he might be more willing to open up to you and talk about things with you. The fact that you told me he wants you to do something makes me feel as though the relationship is missing a bit of a spark right now. My advice to you is this - stop talking about the issues with your mother for the time being. Focus on your career. Just because you have a job does NOT mean you can't focus on becoming an artist. Use your spare time to work on your skills. It will happen eventually. Trust me, I'm in the process of getting to my dream career too, and I'm much older than you are. Yes, it's taken me this long, but sooner or later I will be there. You can actively work towards your dream of becoming an artist while working a job. Better yet, try to get into a career that is based on your aspirations of becoming an artist. Try and spice up your relationship. Be spontaneous. Surprise him. Bring some excitement into the relationship.
Hope this helps a bit.