General Dating Questions/Shy Guys Approach


Hi Dennis,

What is the best approach for shy guys that are afraid of being hurt/rejected to approach and improve their success with making friends and dating with young women, I was trying to read info on the internet but I cant find alot of advice out there?

I also just want to say good on you for helping guys out with their relationships on this website!

Hello James!

Oh, you mean "every guy", right? Because every guy I've ever met has been afraid to be rejected or to get emotionally hurt. Being "shy" isn't the issue. It's just an excuse.

I say that because when you really understand what you're asking here it seems a little silly. There are some rare people with a condition called "social anxiety" that is so severe that it prevents them from having ANY connection with others but you're not one of them, trust me.

Think about this for a minute: are you "shy" when you're dealing with close friend and family? Are you "shy" when you're at work, doing what you're good at? Of course not. You're "shy" when it conveniently provides the excuse as to why you're not getting better results with women.

Frankly James, that's great news! People claim to be shy because it seems like it's some outside force that is inflicted on them by someone or something else. They aren't responsible - their "shyness" is. These same guys believe incorrectly that it must be something about them that is the problem. If they were just "better" somehow, women would flock to them and they wouldn't have to do any work or take any risks.

No, that's not how it works. Women simply don't do that. We have internal wiring that has been developed over millions of years of evolution that you're dealing with here. It's YOUR job to approach and women know it. Shyness is a choice, but unfortunately, so is the REAL answer. You're not shy, you're just uneducated. That's a great thing because YOU control your education! You can easily change that very fact over the next few weeks and months. You no longer will be shy OR uneducated! (Congratulations!)

Let's say that you knew exactly how to approach women in any setting. You knew what to say and how they'd react. You see interest and acceptance in their eyes when you do. Do you really think you'd be "shy" to approach them? Of course not! You'd be falling all over yourself to get in front of them!

I had this exactly same situation happen this last weekend. I went to a large event (where I knew nobody) that moved to a bar afterwards. There are a bunch of great, attractive women all over the place. I tried to meet them all and it was a ton of fun. I met two guys there that thought (like you) that they were "too shy" to meet anyone.

I had one of the guys point out the most attractive, intimidating girl in the place to me. He pointed at this tall, gorgeous blonde girl (mid-20's) that was sitting on a couch and chatting up two guys. I walked right over to her, stole her entire attention away from the other guys and inside of 5 minutes had her and her equally-hot friend over with me and the other two guys laughing and having a great time. She wouldn't leave us alone.

James, there's no magic to it and this story isn't unique. It happens all over the place - every night of the week. It's only about education and nothing more.

Now, here's the challenge I run into with this question: it's not complicated to learn these skills, but it does take some effort on your part. If you're looking just to get enough knowledge so that you can meet the one and only girl of your dreams - and nothing else - forget it. That's not how it works. It takes some time but that time is really, well worth it.

This is why I write books, do TV and radio, personal coaching and seminars. It's a chance to get this information out into guys hands so that they get benefit like this too. But, I can't make you open a book and start studying - you have to do that. It's far, far easier to use the excuse of being "shy" and then; to not get what you want. Once you overcome that inertia (something I wrote about in my book "Being a Man in a Woman's World III" that just came out) you can start seeing that exact success you want. But you have to get moving. That one decision is all it takes.

There are a bunch of different types of "approaches" by the way but the best ones are determined by many factors; your age, your personality, where you meet someone, what outcome you're looking for, etc. Thus there often isn't a "best approach" - only the best one for the situation. Again, education!

So, here's the answer you're seeking: go to my website ( and get started. There are over 800 articles there, videos, shows and of course my books, CD's, DVD's and more. It's all designed to get you where you want to go - no "shyness" about it.

Oh, by the way - that blonde girl? I have a date with her next week.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
Remington Publications
BAM! Productions
Publisher of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III"
Producer of "BAM! TV"

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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