General Dating Questions/afraid and wondering


Hello, I am dating a wonderful man and we have been dating for only 6 months now. We are both looking for the same thing and that is a spouse. We are both in our 50's. When we met each other it was love at first sight. We click like that. We get along well and we have discuss every subject under the sun. The subject that we are having differences in is finances. I am a nurse and he is an electronic engineer. He makes more money than me. What his vision is that he believes that a lady should work and bring something to the table. He states we should both work and we can spend his money and save mine. My boyfriend makes great money, over $80,0000 a year.  I felt different about his views, and state that I should not have to work unless I want to work. Anyway, things happen and it went to a different direction. I recently became disabled and canít work. I told my boyfriend that even though I canít work I still can bring money to the table because I am now getting disability.  Now, that I canít work I feel my boyfriend wont marry me.  We have a great relationship and agree on everything else. He tells me he loves me and he is always saying these great things about me. He told me that this year has been one of the best year of his life since he met me and we have been together. He said that I made it possible . He states that he has not been this happy in a long time.  Now, I am a Christian and donít believe in sex before marriage however, my boyfriend and I have also been sexually active.  I told him that we need to stop doing this  if we are not married because it is wrong in the sight of God. He then made a statement afterward saying well we could get married but we are not on the same page financially, so that canít happen.  He said we will just have to try to restrain or stay away from each other for a while. Even though he made that statement he still comes over and tries to have sex with me. Sometimes he makes me  feel like that is the only reason he is with me is for sexual purposes.  I told him after he made that statement that if he is not planning on marrying me in the future than why is he with me. He would not answer the question.  I wanted to break up with him at this point but he made another statement that he does not want to break up  with me. He also made a statement, ďshould one break up with another just because of financial disagreementĒ I am total confused. You think this man will marry me later on, or am I wasting my time?

you're probably wasting your values are not the same as his, and i doubt this will change; that being said, 6 months is not a long time; give it 6 more months, enjoy the sex without guilt,then tell him that either there's an engagement or you will begin meeting/dating others...

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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