You are here:

General Dating Questions/asking girl out haven't seen in a while


Hi Mike,

I am 33 years old and teach part time as at a graduate school.  Lest semester, there was a student I was attracted to.  She is 25 years old, and now has graduated.   

It has been about 6 months since we have seen each other.  I am not sure about her current personal situation.  I did not want to ask her out previously because f our student-teacher status.  

We are friends on Faceboook.  I am a little shy and conservative when it comes to asking girls out.  So I was just wondering if you had a good approach starting things.  I thought about starting slow by sending her a message to see how she has been, and eventually asking for maybe coffee or dinner to catch up.  


Hello Nicholas,

Thank-you for your email. Youíre already on the right track. It was the right thing for you not to pursue this woman while she was your student. That could have gotten very messy as Iím sure youíre aware. While she was your student, did she give you any buying signals or signs that she had romantic interest in you? Since you are already friends with her on Facebook, this will make initiating contact much easier. The best approach would be to send her a casual message on Facebook telling her that you are reaching out to former students to see how they liked your class, anything suggestions on how you can improve it, how things are going for her since graduation, etc. Coming at her from this angle will make it seem less awkward that you reached out to her 6 months later. If you get a response back from that initial message, you then wait 24 hours to write her back so that you donít come off as desperate. In your next message, youíll want to use some humor but mostly you want to say something along the lines of ďso are you married, have kidsÖ?Ē Of course you know she likely isnít married or has kids, but you say something a little over the top so that she will hopefully take the bait and tell you her current relationship status without you actually asking the question ďare you single?Ē If she writes back again and tells you that she is single, thatís your opportunity to ask her to meet you for a cup of coffee to continue the conversation and catch up. Donít do dinner as that is too much pressure for a first date. We wonít even know if she will consider it a date or not if she does meet you for coffee. I suspect though that if she is single and has some romantic curiosity about you, she will meet you for coffee. Thatís really about it for the game plan. Pretty simple.

Here are a few other key points to keep in mind about the coffee date. DO NOT make it for a Friday or Saturday. You already have plans on these days. Keep the date to 1-2 hours at the most. Try to end the date yourself first. Do not talk about the two of you doing future activities together. You let her be the one to mention anything about the future with you two. Keep it light and funny and leave out all heavy subjects (politics, religion, the lousy economy, etc.). Most guys do not do this and will help set you apart from the pack. Let me know how it goes and what she says to your Facebook messages. Also keep in mind that if it gets to the point where she wants to go on the coffee date and you ask for her phone number, be sure to actually CALL her for any future activities together. Facebook is only to be used for the initial contact, not any subsequent contact. Good luck!

General Dating Questions

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Mike Lamb


My expertise is in answering questions from men about dating women. I have a wealth of knowledge pertaining to nearly all facets of the dating world today. We all know that there are ways to be successful in dating, but what are they? I can answer that for you. I want to teach you how to find not just any woman who will date you, but the RIGHT woman who has long-term potential for a healthy relationship. That starts with how you act and treat women in the very beginning of the dating stages. I can teach how to get there and stay there for the duration of the relationship, on into marriage if that's where it leads. My aim is to teach you to respect yourselves as men first, to be gentlemen, and to change your life for the better. That is my passion. I want to support all good men in successful dating practices. I am not here to offer pick-up techniques or to help you get women into bed. My purpose is more noble than that. I cannot answer questions pertaining to psychology or psychological problems as these would best be addressed by a licensed mental health counselor.


For over a decade, I have dedicated myself to becoming a better man and to understanding women. This has led me to all sorts of seminars, training programs, books, etc. There is a wealth of information out there, but how much of it really is useful in real-world application? I have narrowed down the best and most-relevant information for men as it pertains to dating. This is information I have tested and learned in the real world from personal experiences and also gathered from the personal experiences of those closest to me.

The Doc Love Club

I am a Life Coach and hold a degree in Business Administration.

©2017 All rights reserved.

[an error occurred while processing this directive]