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General Dating Questions/boyfriend of 2 months has slowed down


I'm 40 and the guy that I have been dating for 2 months is 36. We both have children and have both been out of a relationship for 2 years. We started off pretty strong the first 6 weeks, he constantly contacted me via text or phone call every day, and we saw each other once a week. Then 3 weeks ago his mother passed away from a year fight with cancer, and after that he has cut off constant contact with me. In the past 3 weeks, he has contacted me a total of 4 times, and we have seen each other once. He says that he still likes me and still wants to see me, and the contact will start up again. But he wants to take things slow. His reasoning is that his daughter was very hurt when his last relationship ended. This was said to me 4 days ago and I have not heard from him since. I am not contacting him at all, just waiting on him to contact me again. However, I don't know if his wanting to take things slow means that he is done with our relationship or not. He also has told me that he is not seeing anyone else.

Hi Fleur,

3 weeks is not enough time for someone to grieve properly (not even the initial stages of grief) and wrap their head around losing a parent, especially due to an illness such as cancer.  I'm sure he's trying to assist his children to allow them to come to terms with this too.

My advice would be to trust him right now. It's very easy to think of our own emotions at being ignored but how must he be feeling? You need to be there and reach out to him, you need to support him emotionally. My guess is that he is closed off because he is hurting, trying to get to grips with it and is not sure how you'd react to that.

Put yourself in his shoes, imagine losing someone who you love dearly. Although this is someone that is the reason he's on this Earth, this is the person that brought him up and cared for him. It is a very big this to lose your mother. Contact him (this isn't about you, or your pride, it's about what someone you care for needs), listen, talk a little about the good and funny things he remembers about his mother, plan dates to take his mind off of things (e.g.,, a movie, bowling, live music, etc.) and allow him time to himself to think when he needs to (which I imagine he is doing right now).

All the best.


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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