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General Dating Questions/Should I continue talking with him?


Hello Dennis,

So I've been talking to this guy for a while and we've met up for drinks and stuff so far, getting to know each other. Sometimes he'll randomly text me and ask how my day is going and in one scenerio the other day he asked me so I told him about my day. I was telling him how at work this little girl had looked at me and said I was pretty. It was really cute! I work in a dental office so I was out in the reception room talking to the mom and the little girl just said that. So I was telling him about it and he replied "Thats cute. She's right though. You awe pwetty" he spelt it like that in the text! He will also send me pictures of him and his family. Like friday night he had told me he went out with the fam to celebrate his grandmother's birthday and showed me a pic of him and her together. Even on thanksgiving he texted me these pictures of his family and him together. Once he asked me if he could get some pictures of me because he had already given me a lot.
The last time we hung out, I tried to give him a kiss on the cheek goodnight and it seemed like he went for my was just a little awkward even though he thought it wasn't awkward. I've been trying to hang out with him again but this weekend he's all over the place. We were talking friday night and I told him how I felt about him. I felt really bad and felt like I was being a pain because I've asking him to hang out. He replied saying I wasn't a pain and he put a big smiley face after it. He said that he's a really busy person at this point in his life and feels like he never sits down anymore. which I can understand. Then he said it was no problem and that he definitely wants to hang out soon! So basically he knows how I feel but is this all good?

Hello Jen!

Yes, this is all good.

Women make this mistake all the time. They try to hide their interests, misdirect, go hot-and-cold, etc., all thinking that this creates value for them in guy's eyes. If there was only one thing I want women to know is this: no it doesn't. It doesn't create value. It sets up huge red flags and throws warning signals all over the damned place about that girl.

It's unfortunate, but you girls get these ridiculous messages from all over. The reality however is that it simply isn't true. To guys, confusion = distance; and not the type of distance a guy feels motivated to change. You simply have to stop doing this to yourselves and (worse) giving other women these false messages.

Telling him outright isn't always the best answer either but then, it depends on the guy.

This guy is obviously "visual" (another misunderstanding is that "all guys are visual" - not at all true - some are, some are not). He shares pictures of him with you and wants them back from you. You should give them to him. This is how he processes his "interest" and you should give him what he needs to process it.

You also need to tell him what you want and need. If he seems or acts "too busy" you should drop the subtle hint that maybe he's too busy for you since you need at least a little time with someone to stay interested in them.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
Remington Publications
BAM! Productions
Publisher of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III"
Producer of "BAM! TV"

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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