General Dating Questions/Dating issues.

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Question
Hi,

I'm 24 year old guy ( will be 25 in 2 months time) and I'm working as a Software Engineer.

My main problem is this: I don't know how to talk to girls.
I don't know how to engage them in a conversation or how to start a conversation.

I do talk with girls in my office if it is something work related but when I'm in a party or a bar or restaurant or when a friend introduces me to a girl, I really don't know what to talk with the girl. Though I like the girls very much, I avoid them just because I don't know what to talk with them.

When it comes to talking about social issues, current affairs or about science & technology, I'm very good at it but when it comes to have a normal conversation with a girl I have great difficulty in it. Its not that I'm shy or something, its just that I don't know how to make a move.

Because of this I have been single for a very long time.

Please advise me as to how I can solve this issue of mine.


Thank you very much in advance for helping me.

Your Truly,

Tom

Answer
Hello Tom!

Don't feel alone. Most guys have this same problem. The good news however is that this is actually easy to solve!

First of all, consider this: women enjoy meeting great, fun people as much as guys do. If you think of yourself as uninteresting or that you're trying to dominate someone's time against their will, of course you're going to have a tough time approaching people.

Instead, you need to think more about other people's benefit in meeting you - even girls! Consider this: nobody wants to be "bothered" but everyone likes being engaged. That's a very different thing. People that simply want to unload on you all the things THEY are interested in are time and energy wasters. However, those that talk about what you're interested in are just the opposite.

So, what is it that people are interested in then? Obviously, you have your own list; things like social issues, current affairs and technology. Others have their own lists too. Wouldn't it be great if you knew up-front what someone's interests where and could address those directly?

While everyone has their own personal lists of interest, there's one thing that we all share a common interest in: ourselves. We are all primarily interested in us personally. That's something everyone shares. Thus, if you focus on the other person - her interests, goals, dreams, history, etc., you're always going to be discussing something she's interested in!

That point sometimes seems so obvious that most guys miss it. They believe they have to entertain someone rather than engaging them. Entertaining only comes from your own personal perspective. Engaging someone comes from THEIR perspective instead.

Thus, if you talk about their interests, you'll always have at least interest. Once you have that you can turn it into attraction.

If you want to know more about these conversation skills (like how to ask "open-ended questions") go to my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and read my FAQ's.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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