General Dating Questions/Dating Sites!

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QUESTION: Question
Hi Dr. Neder,

I'm a professional black lady with a graduate degree like you. Is there a free online dating website for professionals, such as doctors, lawyers, PhDs, and CEOs etc, that you would recommend? , I guess because more people are on free ones, It is harder getting to the "better" selections on the free sites.

What are some dating sites you would  recommend and that you personally like?  Okcupid is ok with plenty of "fish", but I would specifically like to meet a man with the same level of education and goals as me.  Your recommendations would be gladly appreciated.

Thank you.

ANSWER: Hello Pat!

First of all, I wouldn't generally recommend any dating website. Online dating is one of the top-3 worst places there are to meet someone (the other two being bars and clubs). There are so many better ways to meet someone - especially someone degreed and professional.

However; that said, your very best bet isn't a free site at all. There are many paid sites that cater to professionals. Those are by far your best option.

You've mentioned a couple of the best free sites - okCupid and PlentyofFish, but there are others such as casual kiss and mingle2. These are some of the best of what I consider lousy options!

Even better than these sites however are sites organized around activities and interests. There are many of them but the best is meetup.com. This site allows you to join groups that interest you - some only for singles, others for couples and others, non-specific. They hold all sorts of "meetups" every week that you can get involved with to meet lots of great people. They even have groups dedicated only to professionals and those with degrees.

However, by far the best option is to meet people just being out, running around and living your life (as long as that life isn't about sitting at home watch TV!)

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks so much Dr. Neder,

I will try the meetup.com site. I have tried a lot of the paid dating sites which took me three years to pay off. Tell me, how do you feel about these dating sites? Would you advise women to stay away from them especially for safety and security reasons?

Thank you.

Answer
Hello again Pat!

First, you're very welcome.

Generally, I don't recommend that people use the internet to meet others, but not for security reasons. There are many scammers on the internet but they're pretty easy to spot and avoid. If you have a few conversations and meet in a public place, things are pretty safe.

There are many reasons to avoid online dating. It can be successful for some people but that's not at all the norm. I find that online dating is best used to find short-term sex partners, no relationships.

Regardless of what the sites claim, you're dramatically more likely to be successful on your own. Online dating takes very specialized skills that extremely few people have. You have to be very precise in crafting your online profile, answering ads, responding to messages, ect. Further, you have to be very careful to manage your expectations. This last point is the most important and the most difficult for people - especially women.

I offer a service to those looking to use the internet to meet someone so I get to see a lot of what people do and say "behind the curtain". Frankly, I'm shocked at what I see going on! I'm sorry to hear that your experience was so expensive and ultimately unsuccessful, but then, that's far more the norm than the exception.

It's not that you don't have to have skills when meeting people in real life - you do - however they are much easier to learn and you're going to find it more fun as well. Meetup and other sites are a great bridge between online dating and meeting in real life.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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