General Dating Questions/Shyness around girls


I'm not normally shy but I can't talk to girls in person or over the phone at all. Sometimes its so bad I can't even say a single word. It gets worse if I'm alone with a girl. I can talk to girls online though. I want to start dating but can't until I can talk to girls. Why do I get like this? And what can I do to make it easier to talk to girls?

Hi Mike,

Apologies for the delay in my reply, the run up to Christmas has been busier than I imagined!

Since you say you can talk to girls online, why don't you try online dating? The stigma about online dating has gone and if you don't want to tell people about it, you don't have to. You could explicitly state that your shy but maintain the fact that you do like to socialise.

A lot of shy people have love to give that doesn't get given to someone special because they find it hard to interact. However, with shyness, usually once you get to know someone the shyness fades gradually.

Here are some tips to help combat shyness and prepare for dates:

- Practice 'faking' confidence. By 'faking', I mean instead of tensing up, turn the anxiousness and the adrenaline rush into talking. I always tried to turn my nervousness into talking, just let your brain do the work and you'll be surprised at how well you can mask the shyness. It's important to come off as confident in the initial 60 seconds as that is when we form a strong opinion about someone we meet.

- Practice answers whilst your alone and look up questions to ask on dates.

- The more you date, the easier it becomes, like anything. It may be hard at first but try dating as many girls as possible (by that, I mean, if one does work, get straight back on the horse). Don't feel bad if they don't work out, not every date is successful and not everyone is meant for us. Dating is a lot about learning about ourselves and our wants and needs. The more you date, the easier it will be to spot people that might be right for you, according to the wants and needs you're learning about and basing it off of previous experiences.

- One of the biggest tips I was given was that I should always remember that it may be ME who doesn't like the other person. What if they don't live up to my expectations on a date!? Always remember that you may have more to give than they do, you may have better qualities and traits to bring to the table. I'm sure you have a lot to give and you have to remember that any girl would be lucky to be with you for those qualities!

For dates:

- Another thing you need to remember is with dating and attraction, both parties are usually nervous to some extent, it isn't just you - although your shyness may be more severe. Choosing an environment that you're comfortable in will always put you more at ease.

- Make sure you're confident with all the areas you might be anxious about; wear clothes you're comfortable in, make sure you smell nice and have breath mints, etc.

- Be careful to avoid body language that is closed off such as crossed arms, sitting far away from your company, frowning, etc.

- Come off as interested in your company by asking questions and telling them bits about yourself that you want them to know (hobbies, interests, your views on topics that are brought up). Make sure you are aware of some of your dates/female company's basic likes and dislikes, so you have things to talk about when you're with them.

All the best and, again, my sincerest apologies for the delay in response.


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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