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General Dating Questions/Three years later I found out he cheated


A few days ago me and my boyfriend were having shots. He had a lot of alcohol in his system and we were playing a question game, like have you ever. He began to tell me after a while into the questions that he had slept with our coworker when we were dating, a month into out relationship.
There had also been other problems with this female coworker of ours. I had found out they had gone to the movies together with a few other people and a other coworker  of ours ended up telling me he had his hand on her leg the whole movie. There had also been incidents in the work place when we would all work together she would openly hit on him and even slap his ass. I told him it had to stop. He said there wasnít much he could do; But after the movie incident we had serious talk he could no longer hangout or text this girl, or we were over, he agreed.
The coworker that told me about the movie outing also told me they, her the girl and him had also gone to parties together and they would hang out and talk and they would disappear for moments of time together.
Needless to say she just gave me a leery feeling of my boyfriend. So when he admitted he had slept with this girl which was known as a home wrecker around the work place as well. I was disgusted. He told me that he couldnít remember the time frame of when it happened and that he was very high and drunk, but that it might of been after the movie incident when I had said no more. He had gone over to her apartment to watch a movie he said they watched the movie and then had sex.
When I asked him why because we hadnít had a fight he literally replied because there was nothing better to do. We are now about three years into our relationship. As for our relationship its been very loving we donít fight a lot and we take care of each other. Iím here because I literally donít know what to do. I truly need real advice. Should I throw away three years of a realtionship when everything was going fine?

Hello Lorsa!

No, you shouldn't throw away your relationship over this discovery. Frankly, I sincerely wish he hadn't told you. After all, things were great when you didn't know. Now that you do you're having doubts, but consider this: all this happened a while ago, right? It's no longer going on right now.

The reality is; most relationships survive infidelity and usually get stronger because of it. I don't advocate it, but it often draws out issues that you can deal with. Let's face it, when there are problems that are hidden you can't address them.

This is a good time to consider what it is you both want from this relationship and get to work on building that. It's obvious that he's emotionally connected to you. That's the far more important part of things and gives you a great likelihood of working through all of this.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
Remington Publications
BAM! Productions
Publisher of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III"
Producer of "BAM! TV"

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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