General Dating Questions/It it acceptable to tell my friend that I am worried about her relationship with her boyfriend?
My friend has been in a relationship with this guy for over two years (maybe three I can't remember) but their relationship makes me feel uneasy.
Whenever we talk about him I feel like she says something like, I used to hate the way my boyfriend smelled, but I don't anymore. Or, Hairy guys are so disgusting, no wait I shouldn't say that because my boyfriend is kind of hairy.
She even told me that she really did not like her boyfriend when they started dating. They were just friends and he basically assumed that them hanging out a lot meant they were dating, and asked, 'so when is it going to be facebook official?' She was clueless. But then later started really dating him.
I just get this vibe that she is tricking herself that she likes him in that way. Just by little things she says.
It's just... weird. I can't help but feel she is forcing the relationship to work.
Now I don't want to tell her to break up with him, definitely not. That would be out of line, but is it acceptable for me to ask her if she really does love him, just so she has something to think about?
Thanks for writing in and sharing your feelings and expressing what you going through inside. It takes a lot to share heart felt feelings and the way you have expressed ,I must say you seem quite disturbed and wanna resolve it at the earliest. I appreciate your gesture in making an effort to help your friend out and not many people do that !! Kudos to you !!
I have always believed in something that " Whenever in life we end up doing things, which we never thought we would ever do in life, we always end up being on right track and end result is mostly favourable" . For example: A lady normally talks about with her friends that she would never cook after marriage , would keep maids, cooks etc, but it's seen when she actually cooks first time for her hubby and sees a smile on his face, she feels superb. These are just few examples, where we often do things, we never intend to. Just like falling for a guy whom we used to hate in past or being at a place, which we never thought was the best place to be at.
Your concern seems quite genuine and I second your thoughts that somewhere, your friend has got carried away with strong and soothing wordings of her boy friend or online friend, and is actually ignoring things which she never preferred but is liking now in this guy. I can make out that your friend seems to be quite in awe of the guy and she is ignoring quite many things and adjusting, changing her lifestyle to be with that guy. Your fears are ripe when you say that if you speak against the guy, it might fall back upon you, as its normally seen that a gal when in awe of any man, can't stand negative against him but infact tends to be go against her own girl friends.
Well I would suggest you to follow the following points, which might be helpful to you in making your point across to your friend:
1) Make her speak her heart out and share whatever experience she is having with the guy and give her space to share freely with you.
2) Try making her aware of few of the things and motivate her to ask few things to guy, to know his outlook towards life and other things. In short suggest her to have healthy talks with guy, so as to make out if he wants a prolonged relationship or just passing time with your friend.
3) Ask her to someway or another make you introduce to that guy, so that you get to spend time and judge if the person really is what your friend has been talking about her.
4) Tempt your friend in talking about your fascination or liking for guys around you, outlining how they don't have anything what you hate. Make sure you don't make her jealous, but make her realize you would always stick and choose a guy what you dreamt and made image of.
5) Make your friend read the following articles and let her relate to her life and she if flexible would surely get the point :
Over all, I guess you have a concern but sometime, we need to see other person's mindset and may be things can be smooth that way. You seem to have mature head, but reading too much between lines, can hamper your understanding also.
All the best !!
Bringing smiles on the faces on the way.....