General Dating Questions/Hope you can help

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Hi Karen

Here is my question again and i expand on what AS meant

My name is David, i'm 27 years of age.
Now i have lots of problems (don't we all)

1st Problem is that i have very rarely dated and have few friends to hang with so a question comes to mind how can i find that special girl (which i want to) without going out and maybe get my butt handed to me, i know i'm not the fittest or best looking guy but i do know that i'm honest, loyal and focused (sometimes too focused if such a thing exists) i can be funny (both types) and though i have Asperger syndrome (AS) i have worked hard to be where i'm at today. I know people who say that i have tons of self estem (i don't agree). Is it too much to want to have a happy life( i don't think so) so any help would be appreciated

Thanks

David

PS Sorry if i confused you i get that alot
PS2 My mum has suggested online dating but i have heard of horror tales and it REALLY scares me

Answer
Hi David,

Apologies for my delay, I wanted to make sure I gave your answer the time and consideration for a full and thought out answer.

Your question hasn't confused me at all, even in the slightest. From personal experiences in interacting with people close to me with Asperger Syndrome, I know that there are different ends of the spectrum. The main things I have noted are that sometimes there is a limited understanding of other people's emotions, phrasing or sometimes the correlation between emotions and actions. However, whatever end of the spectrum you are, you needn't shy away from dating and you needn't shy away from dating for any other reason.

Everyone is entitled to happiness and love, and you most certainly should not be depriving yourself of that. If you think about it, maybe you're also depriving someone else of your love and there's someone out there who is looking for a relationship with someone who has what you have to offer to a partner.

I don't know if you've read any of my other posts but I was once extremely shy and explored all different avenues to start dating again. I admit, it is extremely hard and when you don't feel as though you have much self-esteem, it can be even harder to get out there and date.

I have tried online dating (in fact, I met my current partner online) and it can be scary but I would ask your mother or any other family members or a friend to help you look through profiles. I do think it is important to note that you do have AS and describe what form and briefly what it means but go on to list some of your great qualities and what you've accomplished in your life regardless of having Asperger's. Maybe try a website where you may have to pay a little for it as people are more serious on these website. Try talking to someone who you like for a little while before arranging a date because it is important not to rush into things. I often think that the horror stories are often experienced by people who rush and have Set some standards or goals that you want to meet, like what qualities do you want in a partner? Try not to be too strict on other things like appearance or distance from you because these things don't contribute highly to the way someone may treat you.

Alternatively, take up a hobby to meet new people, maybe a course even, to further yourself at the same time. Something you will enjoy and be passionate about. If you want to make more friends in the meantime, other than hobbies or courses, you could also joining Asperger's awareness groups but don't stay exclusive to that, as it is important not to let a medical label become who you are. Don't forget your identity is not entirely the syndrome you have, despite it giving you a few quirks.

There is nothing to stop you meeting people like anyone else, in a queue when something is taking long, make a light-hearted joke to someone "friendly looking" in the queue. I think in a lot of ways, we all struggle to meet people. Sure, it's easy in pubs/bars/clubs but they're not always the right kind of people for us at that particular point in our lives.

I hope I've been able to help you a little.

All the best.

Karen  

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Karen

Expertise

I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.

Experience

I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

Education/Credentials
BSc (Hons) Psychology

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