General Dating Questions/I am insecure about my boyfriend's longtime ex. What should I do?
I have a problem here with my insecurity I think. I have a boyfriend for 2 months now. I'm 19 and he's 26. I love him so much. Now here are my PROBLEMS in our relationship.
1. I love him but I'm not sure if he loves me too. He is not verbally expressive. I understand men are like that. But you know, I need a litle assurance. even if just a LITTLE assurance. He has never told me anything like "I love you". He doesn't want any personal topics involving our feelings. According to him, he's not just used to it or its awkward. I understand that. But overtime, i always feel that i'm not important to him. I don't know. Maybe because he's just not telling sweet things. In my part, I always wanted to tell him how much i love him but im afraid he will have this awkward feeling towards me. I have lots of questions i want to ask him but i have no courage. maybe that's the reason why i'm getting easily pissed off when he's not texting me sometime because i feel, he's getting cold. you know that's all a feeling of mine.
2. I'm insecure with his longtime ex. they've been together for more than 6 years. and not just an ex-gf. She was an ex-wife and they have a son. The girl cheated on him. When we were still dating, he said he love his gf so much before, that is why even though he knew she was cheating, he just let her do that (telling me it was only hs ex-gf, he never told me yet that they got married and have a son). But it reached the point, that he needs to take a break. hearing that, it was okay to me that time because I am not yet attched too much to him.
He told me the truth after we had our first thing. He was my first actually to have it. After I heard that I wanted to cry, leave him. wanted to break up with him. because I really can't absorb the fact that my bf has a son and was married before. I really just cant absorb it yet. Maybe because we live in a different culture and mine was not used to that kind of relationship one having a child already. because i was expecting that we were both innocent when it comes to that. we have the same nationality but he grew up in states. so that kind of issue there is normal to them but not to me.
And now here's the thing. Knowing that he has already a long time past relationship with his ex-wife who is his first love and first of everything. I always have this insecurity that he might not have got over with his ex yet and that he was just feeling lonely that's why he dated me. I really can't read him what is he really feeling for me. You know, i really need even just a little assurance and tell me that he loves me or he doesnt care about his ex anymore to stop this insecurity. because it's killing me. p.s he mentions her ex sometimes but not always, and everytime he does that, it's killing me i want to cry because for me, why does he need to mention his ex to me? why? and also, found some pictures of them on his laptop. created a separate folder for their pictures. when I saw that, i really can't help but cry. what does he want to say, what does that mean? that he still misses his ex and is always looking at those picture when he missed her? that he still loves her? why can't he just get rid of it. they're not together now, we are. for the sake of my feeling, why does he need to store it there?
I wanted to talk to him about this, about all of this, about hs ex, about our feelings for each other but I don't have the courage. i always intro ask him this way all the time, "babe i have something to ask, something personal". then he was like, what? but i know, he was praying that i wouldnt continue with my question because he doesnt like that kind of talk. I have no courage. you know, i dont know if he already knows what im going to say but only ignors it or he really doesnt care. i always tell him i am so paranoid, but he's just like changing the topic. how can I stop this insecurity if he is always like that, avoiding personal talk so that we could understand each other better.
If this ******* feeling continues, with my boyfriend not assuring me about his feelings towards me, i think i would need to take a break but i know i cant. What should i do? leave him? talk about this to him? but how? he's trying to avoid it and i am afriad and no courage. please help.
Hi Jess and thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts down in such a clear way, it is refreshing when ever I read someone speaking from the soul, you are in a situation where you have doubts about your importance in your relationship and that is something know one should have to go through. Relationships should always be 2 ways with reaffirmation of love nearly everyday, or at least if some assurance is needed, it should not be hard to find.You should not have to pry it out of someone, they should give it willingly and happily. I know it will be painful but I think your idea of a break would be good for you and him as well. During this time don't stay in and don't try to replace him, just go about your life for a while and think about things....then when you've had a chance to sort this out a bit you will have a better perspective about it and can make a rational decision on the course of the relationship in the future. Sometimes our choices in life are tough but we wake up the next day and see we survived, then it keeps getting better after that. This is in hoping you find happiness in the near future, if you keep going in this direction it won't be healthy for you at all and then where are you? You are a kind soul in search of assurance, that is not much to ask is it?
Good day Jess and good luck dear.