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Hello.

I had an interaction when I was a younger woman that I need your opinion on.

Back when I was a 22 year old woman, I had just graduated from college and was accepted to graduate school and would be attending that following year.

I had a meeting with the secretary of the graduate school to register for classes a few months before school started.

The graduate school was a 1.5 hour drive from my house, the full route was highway only (no local roads).

It was winter time and it was snowing a lot, but the highways were clean as state highways always are.

My mother (who was 55 then) refused to allow me to drive the 1.5 hours to the school and spend money on gas. She said I should take the Metra rail train.

The Metra train route made me change trains 3 different times and then at the end of the 3rd train route, I would have to transfer and catch a bus (under the same company as the Metra train, they are linked together) to go to the graduate school. The spot where I would catch the bus was about 5 blocks from the last train stop. My mother said I should do this instead of driving.

I went on the train route and when I came to the last stop, I walked the 5 blocks in the foot deep snow, nearly blizzard weather, almost getting knocked over by the freezing winds, and saw that there was no bus that went to the graduate school, and no bus stop there even. The graduate school was another 12 blocks away.

I was nearly hysterical and crying (keep in mind this is inclement weather) and I randomly stumbled into an empty deserted parking lot in front of a warehouse. There I saw a man in his 60s getting out of a car in a suit with a briefcase, and on his sweatshirt said the name of the school. I spoke to him and he said he was a professor at the school, and he said there was no bus that went that direction, why on earth was I walking in the blizzard out in the middle of nowhere, and that he would give me a ride.

He gave me a ride to the school and dropped me off. This whole process had taken about 4 hours. I went to my meeting and after my 15 minute meeting with the secretary, the security guard at the school gave me a ride to the train station, and I took the three trains home which took about 2.5 hours to get home.

By the way, the train fare is not super duper cheap, I think it cost me about $30 round trip and the bus fare would have been another $5 had I caught it. So I am not sure about how much more saving it would have done from filling up gas in my car.

What do you feel about this whole ordeal?

Do you feel my mother was being callous? Did she have good intentions, not wanting me to drive in a snowstorm? Or was she just ignorant?

I just realized I could have easily been raped and murdered by the man who offered me a ride. He could have easily been someone pretending to be a professor, a lot of people look and dress like professors who aren't really professors. I believe I may have seen a decal on the back of his car that said the school name on it so that's why I believed him, but my memory is too fuzzy now. Either way, I am really lucky that I didn't hitchhike with a serial rapist or serial killer. At that point I was completely frozen head to toe and was about to pass out in the cold, I could simply not walk any more because it was about -10 degrees and pounding snow, so I took the chance, my feet were frozen and would not move, I could barely even talk. But yes I am lucky I wasn't chopped to bits and dumped in an alley somewhere.

Even who knows, the security guard from the school who gave me a ride back to the train station could have also been a serial killer and chopped me to bits or raped me! Although that chance is much lower since I knew he was a school employee and a cop, and about 5 other security guards all saw me get in the car with him, so it's unlikely he would try anything, compared to the first person where there was no one else in the parking lot and he could have been easily lying about his profession.

The thing that bothers me, I think my mom KNEW I would have to walk the 5 blocks in the snowstorm.

I think she wanted me to struggle throughout my life to build character or something. She grew up in a poor family and we are middle class so I've had a better life than her, so maybe she wanted me to struggle a bit. Who knows.

Or perhaps she was just thinking the train would be a lot easier and convenient to get to the school than driving around in the snow in case I had car trouble, etc. because I was driving a 10 year old car.

What do you think about all this?

Stephanie

Answer
Hello Stephanie!

How do I feel about your trip? Yes, it was long and expensive and inconvenient. I'm not sure how that information helps you however.

As to the professor being a rapist, sure, that's a possibility. He could also have been a secret agent working undercover for all you know. Stephanie, most men aren't rapists. In fact, exceedingly few are. That doesn't mean there are absolutely no risk, but they aren't huge either as you discovered.

I don't know your mother and can't tell you what she was thinking. The only person that knows that is her and I strongly encourage you to ask her. That said however, it seems pretty obvious to me that she didn't want you driving in a blizzard! I wouldn't either. That doesn't seem like much of a stretch to me. It doesn't seem "callous" at all.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
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BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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