General Dating Questions/What did I do wrong


I really like this guy and he’s a friend of my friend’s boyfriend. He just got back after serving four years in the marines and he was married to this girl for 3 years, but they are getting a divorce here in February because she cheated on him. Well I’ve known him for a few weeks now and really only hung out a few times. Every time we hang out and play cards at our friend’s house we end up staying up later than everybody and we talk. We have great talks and he loves the fact that I listen and he doesn’t care about weight or anything like that he said that I’m very pretty and I just really like him. The last couple of times I’ve seen him we were always up late while everyone went to sleep and talked about him being in the marines and his wife cheating on him. He told me that I needed to start talking about me and my confidence issues which somehow he knew I had and he knows my look, the your full of shit look and I’m sad look and I’ve only known him for a little bit.  It makes me like him more and more. Well one night when everyone went to bed between 4am and 6am, and we weren’t tired we went outside and sat in his car so we weren’t loud, we talked more and listen to some music and he told me “you know me more than some people I’ve known for years, and it’s because you actually listen.” I told him the same and I laid my head on his shoulder cause by this time it was 7:30am and I was getting tired. So he put his arm around me and we sat there for a little bit and he said “I feel like I owe you a kiss for only kissing you on the forehead the other night” (he kissed me on the head the first night I met him because he went on a drunk rant and said some things to me about how insecure I am with myself and he apologized and kissed my forehead). Well then he said “would you like me to kiss you” and of course because I like him I said yes and he kissed me. I have to say that it was the best kiss I ever got and afterward I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I couldn’t get him out of my head but I acted normal and everything that day before we said goodbye. Then the next day though, I was on my Facebook and I saw that somehow I wasn’t his friend on there anymore and sometimes Facebook somehow unfriends people so I added him again and just message him and said “hey I somehow got deleted from your friends do you not like me anymore lol :P” Well he hasn’t messaged me back and it’s been 4 days and he still hasn’t added me back as a friend. So I might be overthinking but now I feel like I did something wrong and it’s bugging me and my mom says to message him again which I think is a bad idea cause then it makes me come off clingy and I don’t want him to think that. I think I got too attached and I shouldn’t have read into it as anything. So can you tell me does he like me and what could I have done wrong in order for him not to respond to me?
Thanks, Ariel

Hey Ariel,

well it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong but it seems like you didn't read the signs properly. Unfortunately this guy isn't at a stable point in his life. He was married for 3 years to someone he evidently really cared for and sadly enough his wife cheated on him, February is sometime away still, which means, according to your e-mail, that he isn't even divorced yet! What it seems like to me is that he needs a rebound. Not necessarily someone he wants to get physical with, but he's using you for some pillow talk. He is very hurt from his breakup, he's talking to you and you're listening. The fact that he came out and told you that you were insecure is not for HIM to decide, those are issues that you should be confiding in someone else with and dealing with on your own time, when you feel it is right. I'd say better late than never and get started on any conflicts that you may have with yourself. In order to find a mate, you need to be completely happy with yourself and your life. You can't bring someone in your life if you feel as though you don't even have one. What that means, if it wasn't already clear, is that you need to be completely confident and happy in your own life and you shouldn't find someone else to mend any wounds or fill any voids in order to feel happy. Happiness comes from within, may that be with spiritual guidance, family, school, or whatever it is that you feel you'd like to take care of.

The only problem I see is that you read the signs wrong, he's a waving red flag. He's not ready for commitment so don't assume he wants a relationship with you right now. Wait and find someone who is completely stable (not going through a divorce) and someone who is emotionally able to commit to you 100%. Don't write him back, I hate to be the barrier of bad news but he deleted you on purpose, not because he or Facebook accidentally deleted you from his account. Why? I'm not sure, and I don't believe that you should either. It doesn't seem like you did anything wrong but you over committed yourself to being his therapist and listening ear. What he needs now is someone who can stroke his ego and unfortunately, he's not ready to give. One of the most important parts of being in a relationship with someone is not only trust, but someone who gives and who wants to give even without asking, what he is is a vampire, Edward Cullens if you may! ha-ha! He's sucking the life out of everyone around him because of his misery, please don't fall for it.

Walk away from the situation and allow yourself to deal with your own issues and with time, you will find someone who appreciates you entirely.

Hope this helps.

All the best,


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I can answer almost everything. I am religious person who strongly believes in G-d. If spiritual guidance is also something that you are seeking for, then I am careful and competent in that region. I am also very aware that it's hard to ask for help, with that being said, I am sensitive to others feelings and have gone through hardships in relationships, which demonstrates a quality of empathy and consciousness when it comes to everyday dating situations. I can answer break-up confusions/confusions in dating in general. I can NOT read minds and can answer to the best of my ability in regards to the detail you provide me. With that in consideration, please do not send me pages of information. Pick the most important and effective way to explain the problem and we can make this our problem and our solution together.


I have been in confusing relationships. Most of all I was in a 5 year relationship that really helped me in developing my intellect and sensitivities, which also played a huge role in discovering myself and those around me.

Chai Life Line; deals with special needs children

Bachelor of Arts in English Literature Certified teacher in Canada; recognized internationally

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