General Dating Questions/What's going on here?


Dear Chakara,
I (23 yrs) have been dating this guy (23yrs) for 7 months now. This is the first relationship for both of us and we love each other. We are both really nice to each other. He is a very sweet, smart, caring guy and he means the world to me. But thereís something in our relationship thatís making me really upset. Heís not very enthusiastic about the physical side of the relationship. I believe that, when two people are in love, itís natural to want to be physical with them. He is happy to cuddle me. But everything beyond that seems forceful on my part. Even when it comes to hot and heavy making out, and going down on him, I feel like Iím forcing it on him.  He tries to come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid it. When we do get intimate, he would finish off quickly, then becomes satisfied and would want to get dressed and end it, and I havenít even started getting any pleasure. He never does any dirty talking or makes any sex jokes, which, even my male friends used to do with me when I was single. I mean, come on, we are not 12 year olds. Usually, it is the girl who is less inclined to be physical, but in our relationship, it seems to be the opposite. Iím not sure why heís not into physical things. I know that he gets an erection even when we make out, but one day he told me that now he is desensitized to kissing now. He tells me that Iím good in bed, but his actions seem to prove otherwise. I try my best to be creative and make things pleasurable for him, but I donít see it being reciprocated.
I feel really frustrated, bored, upset and angry. Yet I donít want to break up with him because he is an amazing guy and I love him so much. Recently, we talked about having sex, and he told me that he wants to do it with me sometime in the near future. Up until then, he pretended like sex never existed, and I had no choice but to play along, because I was too shy and scared to be bold about it. I havenít told him anything about this because, 1. I donít want him to think that Iím sexually frustrated or horny or something, and, 2. Iím scared that bringing this up will ruin the otherwise beautiful relationship we have.
I donít know if Iím being ridiculous here, or whether I have a right to feel this way about this. Iím worried that, if his libido is this low at 23 years of age, by the time he reaches 30 or 40, heíll stop doing physical stuff completely and our relationship will be very dull and boring, and I feel that itís not healthy. I love him so much, and I feel that physical intimacy ( and I donít mean just cuddling), is just as important as emotional intimacy in a relationship.
What is going on here? Why do you think heís not interested in physical things? This is really affecting me. Please advise me on what I should do.

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I am qualified to answer relationship questions from a male point of view. I will help you work on your approach of women, introducing yourself to women, opening up to women, and getting the women you've approached to engage you. I will not be able to answer questions about gays or lesbians relationships.


I was born a social butterfly; I was always the guy that had his house packed with friends and family, until I experienced a personal tragedy. When my life tragedy took place it was as if over night I feel into a deep state of depression, I begun to isolate myself, and before I knew it time flew past and I had chased everyone out of my life. The turnaround came one day as I began to feel lonely but I had a very difficult time leaving the house, feeling connected to others, approaching women, man I had problems LOL. But things changed, and this is howÖ

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