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General Dating Questions/Should I contact my Ex girlfriend after a year of 'No Contact'?,,,/.,.


This question may be long to read, so please bear with me as I explain the details of what I’m asking for.
3 Year ago when I started university at age 21, I had never had a girlfriend before and was really inexperience with girls as I didn’t have much contact and was very awkward and shy. However, this all changed at university as my confidence grew and so did my interaction with girls. I would go to parties and socialise with new people and was enjoying my life and during the second year at university, I met this girl (Lady X) and immediately was attracted to her. She is from Malaysia, whereas I’m based in the UK. Within the next few months, we became good friends and eventually dated. I was really into her and she definitely felt the same for me too. I was charming, confident and knew how to make her laugh.

2 months after becoming good friends, we eventually started to date and developed a relationship – I was the happiest I had ever been. We would do everything – eat together, see movies at the cinema, stay up late at night at halls and talk about our past experiences growing up. The more time went on, the more I became besotted by her. However during the third month into the relationship, part of me started to change, I don’t know what it was – but I felt myself slowly but surely becoming paranoid and demanding. I wanted to try new things with her – e.g. socialise more with her friends & have sexual intercourse. Lady X hardly wanted to socialise with me with other people, which within time would annoy me deep down because I loved to socialise and I loved to show off to people that we ‘were together’. However she never saw it like I did, and wanted to keep friends and relationships separate – which I didn’t understand at the time. The second frustrating point is I really wanted to have sex with her, and she didn’t want too – THIS IS WHERE I FEEL REALLY ASHAMED.  Because my insecurities and demands were becoming overwhelming, I would try and entice her to do sexual stuff with me – against her will. But she eventually started to let her guard down but it still doesn’t excuse my bad behaviour back then.

Furthermore, I would moan a lot to her about what ‘she was doing wrong’ and how I wasn’t happy with her views and behaviour during our relationship. My insecurities, paranoia and demands would slowly drive her away and lose that attraction that she felt towards me earlier. Maybe you could say that I mentally abused her.  It was around this time, that I learnt that she was a princess, of royalty blood (No Joke), which just made me EVEN MORE crazy inside. Unfortunately, I became jealous of her – she went to fashion shows, met other royalty, lived in a palace and lived a sheltered life. She was unable to cope with my mood swings and negativity, and I did try impose myself too much on her.  2-3 times, we would break up, then get back to together so it was one emotional rollercoaster. There was good times between us, then really bad times and it would carry on like this until the 8th month, where we would break up over Skype. She told me her reasons – she was scared of me, couldn’t change for me, and wanted to concentrate on her studies for the 3rd year without any distractions. I understood her reasons, but was UTTERLY devastated as this was my first official break up. I remember feeling like nothing else mattered and was so depressed – I couldn’t eat, lost confidence, lost weight, and felt like if I was on a plane, I wouldn’t care if I crashed And died then and there!  

During the third year at university, I was still depressed but slowly started to find myself and concentrate on my studies. I started going to gym and taking care of myself mentally and physically. The pain would subside but my feelings suddenly turned into bitterness. Whenever I passed my ex-girlfriend in the campus, she would smile and remain friendly, but I just looked away because I was still heartbroken and sad inside, whenever I saw her. The fact that she appeared happy again made me angry, she seemed relieved that it was over. I asked her if she wanted to get back together and she said no – I would try and apologise but she became so annoyed that one day – I discovered she was texting her friend, asking him to hook me up with another girl. The moment I saw this text – I SNAPPED OUT OF IT! I learnt then, that I was in a bubble, making myself looking needy and desperate, just degrading myself to the max! Suddenly, I made a promise never to contact her again, as I wanted to salvage some dignity! My last text to her – I demanded that she return my clothes that she took from me earlier (even though she wore them) and made it clear I wouldn’t contact her again! I was sad / bitter as I sent this message but it was the best thing I could do, as I needed a fresh change. Since then, I passed by her twice during that whole year and she would look away and appear bitter whenever she saw me.

At the end of the third year, I learnt I had to resist one test so I couldn’t graduate until last week. I learnt my ex failed too and would have her graduation on the same day as mine. Now considering I had ended things badly, there was and is bitter blood between us. Before the graduation last week, I hadn’t seen or contacted her in nearly a year. During this time, I had met and dated new girls, went on holidays, saw family abroad and was living my life. But I would always think about my past relationship – what did I learn? What did I do wrong? Why did she want to break up? Over time, I understood through 1-1 therapy sessions that I was mainly in the wrong, for doing the things I did, trying to change her and made her nervous, not accepting her background or her as a person. I had to take responsibility for my actions and this helped me to mature as a person.

Well, graduation took place last week and for the first time in a year, I saw my ex with her family, and she me with mine. There was clear tension and nervousness between us, but I managed to stay cool and calm. We would sneak glances at one another, but nothing else. Part of me was feeling guilty, and another part wanted to go and speak to her. In the end, I didn’t speak to her as she was with her friends, family and I didn’t want to ruin her graduation. Since then, I haven’t stopped thinking about her – about my actions, possibly speaking to her to show my new maturity, and just a friendly catch-up. As I write this, I am wondering if I should message / email her, to see how she’s doing, congratulate her on her graduation, and possibly admit that I was in the wrong for my past behaviour.

I think I’m looking for closure, and to see how she’s been getting on. After all, it’s been a whole year since we last spoke. I don’t have feelings for her, as I’m aware she’s not the right girl for me, but it would be nice possibly be on civil terms. Please give me your honest feedback & opinions on what I should do. Once again, I appreciate you reading this long question…

email her
Dear ...

I am writing to express my sincere / sincerest apologies for my insensitive actions / behaviour / words / disregard / blunder / my failure to...

I very quickly realised / On reflection I realise that I was very wrong to assume / lash out / ignore / find fault with / accuse / blame...


I realise that my behaviour / oversight / omission was totally inappropriate, inexcusable and disrespectful.

I can only imagine the hurt / distress / embarrassment / awkwardness I have caused to... and the damage that it has done to our relationship / your reputation / your chances of... / your trust in me (be careful not to talk about yourself here!).

I hope that you will allow me the opportunity to express my apology again in person.


I would appreciate the opportunity to put right my wrongs and prove to you that I have learned from my mistake.

I will of course accept that I may have caused irreparable damage and may no longer be...


I appreciate I may no longer... / I understand if you need some more time before...

Yours sincerely,

Ask permission to reestablish contact. This is key, because it gives the injured party a chance to save face by having control over the situation. Say "Can we talk?" or "Is it it OK if I come in?" If you are refused, take no for an answer and retreat without angry words or guilt trips. If you are invited to talk, go ahead with your apology. Sit down if possible, keep your posture loose and make eye contact. Don't try to make physical contact (such as a handshake or a hug) unless invited. Many people hate to be touched when they're upset.
Depending on the level of hurt or offense, flowers can be seen as insulting or a bribe. Flowers are appropriate after your apology has been accepted and you are back in good graces.
Dear {Friend Name},

Where do I even begin? I suppose saying “I’m sorry” is a start.

I’m sorry.

Looking back, I can’t believe that I {state offending action}.  But I suppose hindsight is always 20/20. It was stupid and I wasn’t the friend that you expected me to be. Even if I explain my actions, it still doesn’t justify that I {said/did} some pretty hurtful things.
I hope you can forgive me for what I did and put this matter behind us. I treasure our friendship and all the things we’ve done and been through. And hopefully, what transpired can become one of those incidents that make our bond stronger than ever.  

If you have anything on your mind regarding this, please feel free to share it. I promise to listen before I speak. It’s the least I could do if you’re willing to forgive me. You know how to contact me. I hope you do.
You can expect better from me in the future for I will practice better restraint and exhibit behavior that befits the environment and situation.

Your friend,

Apologizing to another person is often difficult because it requires humbling ourselves and admitting that we did something wrong. When we offend or otherwise hurt a friend it tests the durability of the friendship. However, apologizing for a wrongdoing, if done quickly and correctly, can actually strengthen your relationship.

Personal relationships are probably the most important thing that we have in this life, and they must be treated with great care. When you realize that you have damaged a relationship and need to apologize to your friend, you should:

Recognize that what you did was wrong, and take full responsibility. Before you can apologize, you must first recognize that you have hurt or wronged your friend. No matter what the circumstances were, acknowledge that you made a mistake, and take responsibility for your actions. Don't try to share the blame with others or make excuses.Ask for forgiveness. After offering a sincere, heartfelt apology, humbly ask for forgiveness. Assure your friend that you won't make the mistake again. Tell your friend how much  she means to you and how much your relationship means to you.Take the next step. Consider further mending the relationship by offering to take your friend out to lunch or dinner, going to a movie, going on a walk or hike, giving him or her a small gift, or making some other gesture of goodwill.
Let it go. Once you have thoroughly and sincerely apologized and done all you can to rectify the situation, don't dwell on your mistake. Let it go so that your friend can let it go, as well. Your bringing it up after the matter has been resolved won't help and may even cause new pain.I think I’m looking for closure.that's great,be proud of yourself.
I think it's important to have closure in any relationship that ends - from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase.
We all lose somebody we care about and want to find some comforting way of dealing with it, something that will give us a little closure, a little peace.forgive yourself and move on,i would say yes get to know her over again,u have changed,everyone deserves a fair 2nd chance,everyone makes mistakes,go for it,u will never can
happen naturally, talk to her. Tell her how you feel, be honest and listen to what she has to say.
It's so important in any type of relationship, whether friend/girlfriend/sibling...whomever is to communicate and talk things through. I can't stress that enough. I feel that having the communication will strengthen any relationship.Life is too short/It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.Life is full of unexpected and unexplained things and situations. We may experience failure and depression. We may come across times when we have to let go, although reluctantly. At these moments of life, hope and motivation are the only things that can help us out of it.Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, begin it now.
Arriving at one goal is the starting point to another.All glory comes from daring to begin.Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped.The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth... not going all the way, and not starting.For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.
When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time".You have more potential than you believe you do.Cheers to a new year and another chance for u to get it right.The time is always right to do what is right.
Love and magic have a great deal in common. They enrich the soul, delight the heart. And they both take practice;Love is great when you find someone to give it to.Love is neither true or false, love is love.let her know u valued her as a friend
Didn't you know that people hide love like a flower too precious to be picked? a yr later;
Taking some time and space for yourself can actually end up strengthening a relationship that has fallen by the wayside. When you do get back together, then you will appreciate the other person all the miss her and want to rekindle the connection I say go for it.devise a plan to make contact with her.Write your friend a heartfelt letter or email explaining that you would like to get together and catch up with her. Let her know the best way and best times she can get in touch with you. To avoid putting pressure on your friend, keep your message light and open-ended. Tell her you are thinking of her and the good times you two have had.Call your friend to ask how she is doing. This will help you gauge whether she is interested in being friends again/Your conversations should not be about who is wrong or right. Instead, they should focus on resolving any issues that have interfered with your friendship.Tell her how you feel about the issue. Tread slowly and allow your friendship to rebuild over time.Resist the urge to bring up or talk about negative aspects of the past once you've settled your dispute. Instead, talk about pleasant memories and what brought the two of you back together in the present day.My prayer is that ur friend realizes u not a bad person and many of the things that happened in the past is past and u have changed gracefully.let her know u valued her as a friend and want nothing more than to rekindle that friendship.I pray that she mutually feel the same way that God is and will heal and restore the friendship/relationship/  That God will and is drawing her close to Him and is providing each of u with his wisdom, love, strength, courage, perseverance,and dedication as He prepares to lead each of u back into each others heart and life;That the issues/baggage,drama that happened is no longer an issue'to feel comfortable around each other and u 2 get together again/ God is and will restore my doubts, insecurities as well as repair the past/God blesss u,feel free to email anytime,i am here to give hope,peace be unto and peace be upon you,have an extraordinary productive blessed fruitful Happy Thanksgiving,my prayer is uppon u,bro  

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