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General Dating Questions/finding available interested men


Hi! I'm sorry my message will be lengthy, but I think the info I will provide is relevant to my questions. I am 36. I have never married and don't have children. Until about a year ago I suffered from very low self-esteem and major dating anxiety. I have sought help through therapy and medication and they have and are helping me a great deal. I am happy with that aspect. I feel more comfortable around men now and men I am attracted to and have dated a little bit. I still struggle with my self-esteem sometimes but it's an ongoing process that doesn't disappear overnight. I am a bigger, full-figured woman and weigh about 246 lbs, but I am pretty proportionate. I am 5 feet 7. I do feel that my size greatly limits the number of men who would be interested in me. I know I need to be healthy, but I am not going to lose weight just to get a man. I have joined three dating sites, one of which is a paid major one. I have been on them for nearly 10 months and have had NO dates yet, and only a handful of men have shown interest. I am not afraid to message someone if I am interested, but 99 percent of the time, they do not ever respond. (the dates I had in the past several months were with a high school classmate, and it did not work out because he wants to sleep with several women and is irresponsible and drinks heavily. Back to my message, tho. I found on one of the dating sites that pretty much all the men who showed interest wanted only sex and nothing else. I want a normal, real relationship. On the major site I am on, I feel my profile is above average and provided a good amount of information about me. I have four, clear, good pictures and spent a lot of time creating the profile. I dressed well and did my hair and makeup, but I do this all the time anyway. I always look my best and enjoy hair and makeup. I don't know what I did or didn't do to get so few responses. It really does seem like all men want these days is sex with no commitment with women who are not the least bit overweight. I get very lonely often and feel a lot of times that my match does not exist and that marriage and a husband is not in the cards for me. I have asked close friends if they know any good available men and they do not. I work in retail and work evenings and a lot of weekends, but can get an occasional Saturday off. I do have Fridays off. Do you have any suggestions on both how to meet available men and where??  I live in an area of about 220,000 people, including the surrounding areas. Are there ANY men out there who don't mind a full-figured woman?  I am Caucasian and am attracted to Caucasian or Hispanic men. Thank you for your time and any advice you have is greatly appreciated!!

Hi Hallie,

I think some women will always have problems with self-esteem, etc., whether they are full figured or not. I would say that I have/had confidence issues. In fact, I just think the only difference is that I've just learned how to deal with it better and there is a certain level is "up yours" the older you get. You eventually get to the stage where you think if they don't like me, I don't care. There are people out there who WILL love you for you - it's just for whatever reason your paths have not crossed just yet.

I'd try going on a website which allows you to specify what you want which in turn allows them to specify what they want - that may just be you! Have a look at the other women on the website and see what their profiles read like, as well as their pictures. Some websites have tips and guides on how to attract more messages and dates. I'd say it may be what you're putting out in terms of how you come across on your profile.

There are whole websites for men who ADORE full figured women but that adoration can then be so enthusiastic that these men also just want sex.

You will find a man to love you for you! Go to bars with friends, get a hobby for something you love, get into local events and charities and meet new people. Meeting new people in your daily life may be the key, maybe you're not going to meet your next serious relationship online.

All the best!


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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