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General Dating Questions/should i forget her and move on?


Hi Karen

A few months ago I met a girl when I was traveling over Europe.  She was on my tour group for 10 days.  We became reasonably friendly and I got her number on the last day.  She said she was also keen to meet up with me when she returned home (we are both from the same city in Australia).

We continued our separate ways and a month later, when she returned home after her travel adventures, I took her out to coffee.  That went really well and at the end of the first date she said she would like to have dinner with me.

I suggested dinner in a week's time on a Saturday and she said she couldn't as she had a friend's party to attend but suggested we go out Sunday night.  Unfortunately I couldn't do Sunday due to prior commitments.  I was also unavailable the following weekend as I was out of town.

Fast forward 2 weeks and I contacted her to make dinner plans.  This time she came up with some random excuse (like she had to be somewhere else that day due to work).  When I tried a few times to reschedule, she gave me some further random excuses.  

Eventually, when I asked her it appears she has changed her mind about me, she admitted she was seeing someone else at the moment and that it just wouldn't be fair to reunite with me.

I was obviously disappointed.  I decided I would just move on so I wished her well and didn't contact her further.

Fast forward a month and we both coincidentally moved to the same suburb (she is literally down the road from me!).  We also randomly bumped into each other on the bus the other week and sparks started to fly again.

She told me which street she lived on (although hasn't given me her exact address), and later that night sent me a message saying that it was great seeing me and that I could come over any time (she lives with 2 house mates so it appears to me if I did invite myself over things would be reasonably platonic).

I am not sure whether I should take this further.  I obviously really like this girl but a month ago she made it clear that she was seeing someone else so I really don't want to waste time and energy on a girl who appears to either just want to be friends or is stringing me along as a backup.

What do you think I should do?  Shall I just move on or try a different approach?  

She only came out of a 3 year relationship some 9 months ago and she is in regular contact with her ex as they remain good friends.

Logically it appears I should just move on but a part of me doesn't want to give up on her.  If I invite myself over her place (most likely her house mates will be around), rather than take her out on a proper date, we will probably just end up having a very nice and friendly conversation and risk being friend-zoned.

What do you think I should do?

Many thanks.


Hi Mike,

I'm sure if she's interested and has the ability to message you on some sort of platform then she'll get in contact if she intended to take things further.

However, it sounds like she didn't/doesn't know what she wants herself. Leave it another week or so and send her a message asking if she wants to meet up (that's if she's single and you do want to take things further with her). If she does, then meet somewhere neutral and see how it goes. Bear in mind she may not be over her ex though and maybe that's why she's been so off-ish in the past.

If she shows signs of messing you around like before then leave it be.

All the best!


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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