General Dating Questions/Help with depressed GF


My GF has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way. We are on a break now and I am waiting for her to be ready to talk. I am respecting her space. She told that I have been the perfect boyfriend.

Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc.

She says she wants to see me but I haven't heard from her. It's hard waiting for her.

My friends think that she is crazy about me but she has issues. She is seeing a therapist. I love her and I want to support her. What can I do?

Hi Indy,

In my eyes, you're doing absolutely the right things because she's obviously suffering from depression. You may not know what triggered it but all of these things in her past would have contributed to it. It'll be hard loving a man, a loving and worthy person when something like that has happened to her and she didn't expect love to come along for her. Her head must be a mess.

Give her time but make sure you send her a note/letter, text or e-mail her to remind her you're still there to listen, even as a friend if that's what she wants. Maybe she wants to know if you care too.

Don't listen to your friends as they are not the one's who love your girlfiend, you are! You know how to love her in the way she deserves and keep doing it.

Maybe she's deciding if she feels her head is clearer on her own but it sounds like she can't bear to be with you. Give her a couple of weeks, try not to put any pressure on her and have a talk when she feels her mind is cleaer.

All the best!


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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