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General Dating Questions/Long Distance relationship, Should I wait or move on?


QUESTION: Hello, here's my long story,
I'm a flight attendant, I live in Toronto and 3 months ago I met a man while I was away on a layover in Vancouver. We met in a bar, and we connected right away. We were really attracted to each other (nothing happened the night we met) but after that we kept in touch and texted on regular basis. He would initiate most of the conversations and we would talk everyday single day. He asked me to come back in town, let me know ahead all his days off so He could be entirely free for me.This been going on for the past 2 months (we saw each other 8-9 times or so). He was a real gentleman with me on each visit, He took me out on dates, sightseeing, nice restaurants, introduced me to his friends. We obviously slept together each time I came to visit which I don't regret because the sex was amazing and he was really affectionate as a lover (always making sure to please me first, there was lot of kissing and cuddling, holding me in my sleep, spooning etc..) Now in the past 2 weeks or so everything has changed . The honeymoon is over . He's distant. I saw him about 10 days ago (and even then the sex was different)... I asked him If he wanted us to stop seeing each other because I could feel the distance but his answer was no, that he wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to and he was just really stressed out and busy with work, renovations, studies and his little daughter, which I understood at that time and decided to stop stressing about it . My reaction was to pull back and give him some space. He is qualifying on a Aircraft (pilot) and by mid-december he will be done ...My problem is it's been over 6 days that he hasn't texted me. I understand that he's busy , but if in 6 days he couldn't take 5 min to contact me.. isn't a clear sign that he is not interested anymore?! I know he is coming in Toronto tomorrow for training .. And at that point if he doesn't contact me while he's in town that's a clear message that he is over me. But what if he does contact me? Should I just Move on already and get over him, or Wait and see after mid-december if things will go back to normal? At this point I don't wanna have another conversation about it with him because I Already did. What do you guys think? -FlowerBomb

ANSWER: i think he's a guy you see on occasion within a casual sexual arrangement, no more no less; these types of things usually aren't lasting; my suggestion is to be aware of the above, lower expectations to zero, and since he's waited til the last second to contact you, even if he DOES, i'd tell him you're busy; if you want more consideration/respect, REGARDLESS of the emotional level, you have to require it; meanwhile, focus on meeting/dating those offering more than he is, as he's obviously not very interested, utterly complacent, or both..

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello again,
So MR M.I.A finally texted me on sunday asking me If I forgot about him, then the next day He texted me again to let me know He was in Toronto and also wanted to know If I would still go see him like we've discussed  3 weeks ago. I followed your advice, didnt even ask him why he went M.I.A on me or anything. I played it cool really and  told him I was out of town for a few days. He apparently didn't get in touch with me Because He was busy, I quote "These past few weeks have been crazy. I haven't talked to anyone at all. After this week hopefully I'll be back to normal" . At this point I'm not sure If I should believe his words or not. I know that I want more than just casual sex with him and since we never talked about our expectations from this "relationship" He probably don't even know that it's on my mind. How Do I approach him with that about it, or I shouldn't at all? Also If I do talk to him about it Should I just wait and see If things will really go back to normal after he's done with his pilot training? Thank you.

his bogus reply doesn't change anything; as you alluded to, if a guy is truly interested he will find 5 minutes (or MORE) to make contact; you are an object of convenience for him; i see little point in making this a topic of discussion--he no doubt will provide some manipulative double talk aimed at stringing you along; bottom line, actions speak louder than words--if he wanted more, you would see it; if at some point he shows a "real" interest, see him if you want, but not until your expectations are way lowered and he can't hurt you emotionally; meantime, there are MANY in this world you can love..find them..

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Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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